#DID YOU ALL KNOW he was the one who sang the cute ass slow version of you're welcome

[555sage]

SUMMARY — reader falls in love with the better version of her ex-significant other.

❝BETTER VERSION, part two❞

— based off “better version” by sabrina claudio.

You sat with one leg crossed over the other, babysitting your drink, watching as the people in the section did their own thing. Natasha sat next to you taking several pictures of you guys together, herself, and videos of the guys. Mateo and the guys were turnt the hell up. Your gaze mainly settled on the six-foot giant, who was singing along to Turn Me On. You held back a smile as you watched him.

So let me hold you, girl, caress my body

“If you don’t get up and dance with that man.” Natasha nudged you.

You didn’t have a bone in your body to be that bold. “Or, I can just sit pretty and enjoy my drink.”

“You’re still pretty regardless, now get that ass up and dance.”

Natasha smacked her lips and led you over to the guys. Mateo danced his way towards her, pulling her by the waist, Natasha twirled around wining against him “Wine yuh waist fi di man.” Natasha joked with you.

You shook your head and laughed at her antics, you shyly walked over to where Ruben was, as you neared him you could smell his cologne, which had no business smelling that good.

He turned towards you still singing, he held his hand out to you, to which you grabbed with no hesitation. With your hands in his, he held it up over your head slightly—you did a twirl and moved your waist to the song.

“Yeah mi fren.” Natasha cheered.

You laughed throwing your head back. Your body moved to its own accord—your hands on your knees, ass up against his crotch, you wine all around him.

Hug me, hug me, squeeze me, squeeze me

Hug me, girl, and kiss and caress me

You looked back at him as you sang along. The look on his face alone told you he was silently losing it. You smirked to yourself and pressed yourself against him, slowing your movements. 

Ruben was actually silently losing his mind, the way your ass moved against him, gosh. The loss of contact as soon as the song ended made him want to pull you back into him, but he kept it respectful.

“I think you need practice wining your waist.” You giggled. 

“That wasn't good enough for you?” He questioned, his head tilted a bit as he smirked down at you, he stepped back and attempted to wine his waist.

You couldn't help but to smile at him, you watched as he stalked towards you—his height making you feel small. “You're lucky you're cute, you know? Cause that attempt was very weak.” 

“Cute huh?” His smile gave you butterflies—he just know he fine, whew.

“How about we settle for handsome? Cause you have a very pretty smile.” You admitted shyly.

He let out a cute and hearty chuckle, “Then handsome it is.”

You two spent the whole night chatting with each other, dancing whenever a song you two liked came on, Natasha peeped how Ruben spoke in your ear—with his hand on your waist, and the way you laughed with him. Natasha honestly found it cute the way you had a smile on your face the whole entire night.

By now, everyone was either too drunk or ready to go home. You and Natasha were ready to go home, while the guys were too drunk. Having to deal with a group of drunk men was not something you wanted to deal with. Ruben, on the other hand, was actually a cute drunk. He’s the type to admit something embarrassing to you and talk the entire night.

You guys were heading out the club and piling into the suv’s. “Alright big guy, let’s get you in here.” You held Ruben up—well tried—you tried to get him into the suv but it was struggle so Reece helped you out.

“Guys a madman.” Reece joked.

You laughed as you slid into the seat after you and Reece were able to get Ruben into the suv. “I just have to say this.. you’re fucking beautiful.” He whispered.

“Why thank you good sir.” You retorted. “I just have to say this too.. you’re fucking handsome.” You mocked him, but still speaking truthfully.

He chuckled, “Hearing that from a such beautiful woman, makes me feel good.” He admitted.

Okay, now he’s just being too cute for you. The whole entire ride to your house consisted of Ruben rambling about the new season and his love for soccer. You smiled as you listened to him intensely.

You’d be lying if you didn’t admit you felt a way about Ruben. The way he carries himself, his smile, and just how much he adores what he does, and his gentle aura. That man there was a smooth talker, he could talk you out of your panties right now and you wouldn’t hesitate.

You looked him up and down and took in his appearance—even as drunk as he is, the man still looks good. His left arm rested on his thighs, his long legs spread apart, his other arm rested up on top of the seat. His white button up shirt had a few undone buttons, adorning his neck was a simple gold link chain.

“So, when will you be heading back?”

“Um..well, possibly the end of the week.” He answered.

“So soon?”

“We have preseason conditioning and things of that nature to go through.” He explained. “Won’t miss me too much, will ya?”

You both laughed lightly, “You are something.” You shook your head.

Natasha pulled into your driveway and you begin to gather your things. The first thing you were going to do soon as you stepped inside was release your feet from the pain of these Tom Ford heels. “Thank you so much for tonight babe.” You leaned forward giving Natasha a kiss on the cheek. “Get home safe.” You turned to Mateo who was knocked out cold, you shook your head, you leaned back reaching for the door.

“Let me walk you in.” Ruben didn’t wait for you to object, he stepped out trying to keep his balance as he made his way over to you.

You led the way with him by your side, “If it’s okay with you, maybe I could have your number.. you know for some more practice.”

You raised your eyebrow at him, “My lessons aren’t free just so you know.”

Just as you stepped into your home, you quickly slipped your feet out of the Tom Ford heels. So cute, but so painful.

“That shouldn’t be much of a problem with me sweetheart.” With his back against the wall, feet crossed over the other, and his hand interlocked over his groin, he watched as you made your way towards him with your phone in hand. Just so beautiful, he thought to himself.

“You‘re a bit cocky you know? But, not overly big-headed so I’ll give you that.” You remarked.

“Can’t forget handsome as well.” He smirked as he handed you back your phone. You took a glance at your screen and noticed his contact name, RLC.

“See now I just might to take back my compliment because of what you said.” You held back a smile.

A loud and long honk outside let you both know to hurry up with your banter. With a drunk Mateo and irritated Natasha it was not good to keep them waiting any longer.

“Well, I’m gonna get going I don’t want to be left.” He joked as he made his way towards the front door.

You’re saying it like that’s a bad thing.

You bit your cheek to keep yourself from embarrassing yourself. You simply laughed with him. “Text me about those lessons.” You smiled up at him.

His tongue swiped across his pink lips, “You got it beautiful, have a good night.”

“You too handsome.” To which he gives you a hearty laugh leaving you smiling even after closing the door. For the whole entire night as you prepped yourself for bed, your cheeks were hurting—not from pain—but from how much you were smiling as you thought about the handsome athlete.

The way he made you feel was so refreshing. Even with the conversation between you two, nothing felt forced or awkward. You were hoping for more of him—his voice, his smile, his handsome face, just his presence in general.

I can’t wait to see him again

— Part One.

[criminally--reid]

sex and booze

god that's such a shit title I'm sorry

""Ay I’m the one who requested the southern reader thing and um since I’m DUMB I neglected to ask if it could be smut?""

I cant find the first part of the ask bcos i suck? but yeh, here's ur fic bb:')

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Pairing; s7 spencer x fem!reader 

Warnings; drunk?sex, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, (the sex scene is literal TRASH lmao dont mind me)

Word count; 1.4k (1,405)

°•○●○•°

"I'm going up." 

"What- no you're not."

"Watch me." 

And watch you he does. 

He watches the way you drunkenly sway your hips all the way to the small stage at the far side of the bar. He watches as he say your nerves slowly settle in; your palms growing sweaty, and your consistent throat clearing. 

He watches as they soon fade away when the beginning to your favorite country sing comes on. Swiping your clammy hands on your jeans, you grab the microphone, letting the song consume you, and your angelic voice fills the room. To keep the nerves away, you make eye contact with Spencer all the way at the back of the bar. 

It's just you two. Everyone else disappears as you sing to him. The room previously filled with unknown faces and blitzing bodies grows quiet.

Spencer raises his glass in your direction; an unreciprocated toast. 

You shut your eyes as the memories flow through you as the song runs on. All the times you spent with your father, grazing the fields behind your house. Picking daisies with the summer wind sweeping your hair; the sun casting a gentle warmth on your skin. The times you spent with your mother, deweeding the flowerbeds that adorned the front of your house. The last time you saw any of your family this song played. You and your parents were all piled in the front of the truck, warm summer sun engulfing you in a hug, this song playing softly on the radio as the truck bumps and bounces down the rocky dirt road. What you'd give to be back home, down south with your family, away from all the negativity of your job. 

Not that you dont love your job. You were beyond grateful for all the opportunities joining the BAU had given you; you even formed a second family with your teammates. The BAU family just wasn't the same at your own. 

All too soon, the song ends, and you're grown up again. Far away from all the blissful moments fr ok m when you were younger, back to being an adult in ty he heart of DC, drunkenly singing a country song at a karaoke bar. Reality comes flooding back as people applaud and your team goes wild. Oddly enough, Spencer's the quietest. You try to initiate eye contact with him again from your spot so far away from the table, but he averts his eyes, avoiding your gaze. You waltz back to your table and take your seat beside Spencer. 

"What's wrong lover boy?" 

"I- uh- nothing," he gulps. 

"What- did I not do good?" An overly expressive pout falls on your lips. 

"No, no no of course not. You were great! I was just thinking." 

"About what?" 

"About you."

"There's gotta be more than just me bouncin' around in your big brain," you counter with a drunken giggle. 

"Well, true, but a lot of the time it's just you." He looks at you fondly through hooded eyes, admiring your features in the cascading yellow bar light. "But to answer your question, I was thinking about how hot you looked." Your face goes flush as he continues on. "How your jeans look on you. The way you swayed your hips as you sang. All I could think about was how much I want to go home and fuck you."

"Spence, I-" 

"But sadly I can't." 

"Why?" 

"You're drunk, y/n."

"Wha- no I'm not!" You laugh and lightly shove his shoulder. 

"No sober version of you would've gotten up there and done that," he counters. 

"Touchè, Doctor Reid." 

"We can still.." 

"That's like taking advantage of you. Not tonight."

"Come onnn," you drag out in protest, and move your lips to his ear. "I want you, Spencer. You know I do." 

"We can't- you know th-" 

"I'm not getting undrunk any time soon, so the only solution to our pre-dick-ament. Ahahahaah get it? Anyways the only solution is to get you on my level, pretty boy." 

"So an even playing field makes this better?" 

"Exactly." 

His eyebrows sprung up the cute way they always do when he's thinking. "This is such a bad idea." 

He stands up from his seat excusing the both of you from the group. You grab his hand and walk steadfast to the bar. The next hour or so is spent buying spencer drinks. Conversations become slower and less coherent, and the two of you are always pushed up against each other. Most onlookers would think it's cute, but in all actuality you're both keeping each other upright. 

"I think it's time to go," Spencer says from his seat on the bar stool beside you. 

"Yeah, uh I'll go get Hotch." 

You stumble up from your seat and set on a quest to find Hotch. Spencer grabs your hand to get your attention. You look to him and he's pointing back to the tables where you all had originally been sitting. 

Makes sense. 

"Hey, Hotch!" You chirp, drumming lightly on his shoulder to get his attention. "Can you, uh, take me and Spence home. I think we've had enough."

"Yeah," he huffs. "I think you have, too. Anyone else ready to go?" 

Garcia, Emily, and JJ all shake their heads 'no', and Hotch says he'll meet them back here. The three of us head out to the SUV, and spend the next twenty minutes getting home in silence. 

"Home sweet home," you say as you begin to bask in the familiar warmth of your home. The smell of your favorite candles burning on the coffee table. Turning to Spencer, you wrap your arms around his neck and place a chaste kiss to his liquor flavored lips. 

"Y/n, we don't have to-" 

"I want to. Besides, were like the same amount of drunk right now. It's fine." You meet his eyes with a smile and a drunken giggle. 

"You're so chaotic." He quickly places his lips back on yours, and your hands fly up to tangle in his hair. Lips meet teeth and tongue as the two of you make your way further into the house; into the living room and o to the couch. 

With spencer beneath you and you on his lap the kiss continues. You begin to move yourself on his thigh causing him to groan. He plants a harsh slap on your ass, and you jump; only for him to grab your hips and pull you back down onto his thigh even harder. 

The two of you remove your clothes rather quickly. Shirts flying, pants being flung, underwear being removed haphazardly. Soon the two of you are start naked, and you're sinking down on Spencer's length. 

"Fuck," he chokes out as you engulf him. "You feel so fucking good." 

"Spence.." You throw your head back in ecstasy, and Spencer leans up, attaching his lips to your neck. He grips your hips as you rock back and forth, faster and faster with each go. 

"Jesus- fuck! I've been needing this all day," Spencer says between gasps and moans. 

"M-me too." 

Your pace over Spencer doesn't slow, and the constant friction between you too is bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. You reach your hand in front of you and start to rub quick circles on your sensitive nub. 

 "Spencer, I'm gonna cum," you cry out, feeling that knot in your stomach begin to unravel.

"Gonna cum for me? Hmm? Gonna cum all over my cock?" 

"Yes- God!" 

"Go ahead, baby." On cue, you release around him; your juices flowing all over his lap. You collapse down onto him, heaving and out of breath. "Look at me.. Tongue out." You remove your face from the crook of his neck to look at him, mouth hm open wide and tongue stuck out. "Swallow," he commands after spitting onto your tongue. He then grabs your hips forcing you to move on him again; chasing his own release. Not too long afterwards, he loses his composure and crumbles beneath you as he releases inside you. 

You collapse onto his chest once again, breathing sporadic. "That was.." you begin but then trail off. 

"Yeah. It was." Spencer adds, rubbing your back. 

"Can we stay here like this? I'm exhausted." 

"We gotta get cleaned up," Spencer prompts you up off his lap before getting up himself and grasping your hand. "Let's go take a bath. We smell like sex and booze."

[tumb1rprincess]

So I went and saw the Cats movie.

So, just for some context, this is one of my favorite musicals.  I loved it as a kid, I still love it now, I know all the songs, and I’ve read tons of theories about some of characters’ backgrounds and who might be related to whom and all that stuff.  So, needless to say, I love this musical.  Like everyone else, I was like “WTF?” when the trailer was first released, and the reviews I had seen previously seemed to confirm that this movie was indeed “WTF?”

The Good Things

Munkustrap was good in this movie, probably the best out of all of them.  He sang well, and his relationship with Old Deuteronomy was kinda cute.

Changing the Skimbleshanks number from just regular dancing to tap-dancing worked out well, especially when the tap dancing sounded like a locomotive revving up and getting ready to go.  That was nice.

The backstory/development they gave for Victoria and Mr. Mistoffelees wasn’t too bad.  I liked it well enough.

The Bad Things 

Everything looks horrifying.  The cats, the mice, the cockroaches, etc.

I didn’t like how they revealed Macavity right off the bat, and his design/colors was shit.  They just made him this plain brown.  Why?  Part of the fun of him with the musical was how they kept mentioning him and singing about him, and even though you couldn’t see him, you knew he was a serious threat by how they scatter if they even think he’s nearby.  And he has this  great reveal once he does show up.  He sneaks in as Old Deuteronomy and Demeter is the first to sense something is wrong, and then slowly the other cats catch on, and then she finally pulls off his disguise and BAM!  His mane is all over the place, his claws are long, and his coat is bright fucking red so he’s like a slap in the face.

They completely took out the fight between Macavity and Munkustrap.  Why?  That would have been great to see!  And I feel like it shows just how strong and scary Macavity is.  He steals Old Deuteronomy away, beats up the second-in-command Munkustrap, and then makes his escape.  And you’re like “Holy shit.”

They completely wrote off Demeter.  I think they just reduced her down to one of the cats that’s a little distrustful of Victoria at the beginning, and one of the cats that’s a bitch towards Grizabella.  Although honestly, I couldn’t even tell it it was her because they changed her colors from these nice red and oranges to this dull gray.

The Old Gumbie Cat number was just icky.  The mice and cockroaches looked horrifying, Jennyannydots unzipping her skin was horrifying, just...ugh!

Jason Derulo not a good Rum Tum Tugger, I’m sorry.  His voice was way too whiny and pop-sounding.  You need a rock voice to do Rum Tum Tugger.  And you need a lot more sex appeal.  Jason Derulo did not do any hip thrusting or waving his ass in your face.

They changed Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser to this smooth slow number instead of this energetic upbeat song.  And they didn’t have them do that double cartwheel together.  Such a shame.

I didn’t like how they did Bustopher Jones’s character.  He’s meant to be this sophisticated gentleman who only eats the best stuff, not this bumbling oaf that falls over every five seconds and eats from the garbage.

I didn’t like Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy.  I felt like she couldn’t sing well.

The Jellicle Ball was such a disappointment.  To start with, the original song leading up to it was slow at first, and then slowly build up in speed as more cats joined in.  Instead, the movie just has it at the same tempo the whole time and all the cats were singing together, leaving none of the minor cats room to shine.  And I felt like the dancing was lacking too.  It was too slow and elegant.  Sure, in the original musical, it starts off slow, but it quickly builds up until every move is in your face and gets you pumping.

Jennifer Hudson started off well enough as Grizabella, but I’m sorry, the snot running down her face during the later numbers was too distracting.  All I wanted to do was give her a tissue.

I didn’t like Skimbleshanks’s costume.  The whole time I was thinking “Put on a shirt!”

Having Boumbalurina just show up for a little bit to sing Macavity was such a waste.  She’s a great character, and she and Demeter are kind of this dynamic due throughout the show.  Taylor Swift’s voice was too breathy for this song, and I didn’t like how they straight-up made her a bad guy that works for Macavity.

Mr. Mistoffelees did not dance.  What the fuck.  That dance is one of the hardest to pull off ever in a musical, so it’s always amazing to see someone do it.

They ruined the moment when Grizabella finally gets gently touched!  In the musical, she gets clawed at, shoved, scratched, all these horrible things, and all she wants to do is have someone take her hand and gently touch her.  Near the end, there’s this great moment when Victoria starts to approach her, looks back and gets the okay from Old Deuteronomy, and then slowly and gently lays her hand inside Grizabella’s.  It’s such a tender and sweet movie.  But the movie decided to go “Fuck that” and just have Victoria hold Grizabella’s hand or hold her arm willy-nilly.

Old Deuteronomy looking at the camera the whole time while singing The Ad-dressing of Cats made me uncomfortable.

So there you have it.  Good God, this movie was just...ugh!  Please, do yourselves a favor, and go watch the 1998 filmed version.  You’ll have a much better time than watching this.

[wrcngbitch]

endedlives replied to your post: baywindowed replied to your post: the sad smile...

he’s adorable wow

ISN’T HE???

[putschki1969]

Hikaru Tsumugu ~ Live Report

Notes: Got a 2-hour train ride ahead of me so I thought I’d use the opportunity to write up a little report. Please note that I was very exhausted during the live so I wasn’t able to pay as much attention as I usually would. Also, I didn’t know 7 out of the 17 performed songs so I had a hard time appreciating them properly. I didn’t cry which kinda surprised me. Maybe I was too tired. Hikaru did get a little teary eyed during the Kalafina section but aside from that, she was mostly happy and excited. Overall I think this live was much more powerful and cheerful in comparison to Hikaru’s birthday event from last year. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t as tearful. Then again, I know quite a lot of people who were sobbing like crazy. Anyways, let’s get this thing started:

Goods: I didn’t buy much tbh. The pamphlet, the tapioca set, the pen and the badges. The other stuff looked a little cheap if I am being honest. A little disappointed with the quality of the pamphlet. Quite expensive but very thin and it’s made up of some sort of rough paper material. Some pages have ugly printing marks (;_;)

Stage production: Pretty simple I’d say. The musicians were lined up on either side of a small staircase. There were some walls in the back and curtains/fabrics on top. They played the PVs of Hikaru’s songs during each H-el-ical// performance, it was nice to have the lyrics on screen to sing along. and for the other songs they mostly used elaborate lighting.

Hikaru’s look: As you can see from the pictures, she had her hair down for most of the live. It was styled very nicely with big curls. She wore a bold red lipstick. The live started with her wearing the white gown/coat. Pretending to take a drink, she went to her little table and all of a sudden she started stripping XD (it was like the Blue Day “signal” performance). She quickly dropped the coat during her MC before “Fili” and revealed a sexy red dress which was very reminiscent of the old Kalafina days (laces, corset style). After the instrumental she returned with a long blue dress that kinda reminded me of Kalafina’s 9+ONE denim style outfits due to the colour scheme. For her anisong section she surprised us once again by dropping the dress and revealing the sexiest outfit ever!!! Black high waisted leather pants and a black leather bralette. *nosebleed* During the encore she wore a black denim skirt and a long sleeved H-el-ical// shirt. Her hair was up. I wish they would have sold that shirt too since it looked much nicer than the normal t-shirts she was selling. As for shoes, she wore shiny black pumps with white laces. Speaking of laces, laces were definitely the main theme of her outfits that night. The coat, the dresses, her leather outfit and even her pumps had laces everywhere. Guess it all boils down to Tsumugu = Spinning. In her pamphlet you can see all the threads spinning around so I guess she was trying to go for the same vibe regarding her fashion. So glad Hikaru was kind enough to provide pictures of everything!!

Musicians: Everyone was in such a good mood!!! Gussy (Hikaru’s composer and one of the guitarists) was particularly hyped, he seemed to be really into it. Was a lot of fun to watch them perform.

Overall sound: I think for the most part, the live sounded great. Hikaru was in good shape and sang her songs well. If you don’t like the studio version though you won’t like the live version either. Hikaru pretty much used the same singing style which she used for the recording. The backing vocals were playing in the background to create a little more harmony. I think Hikaru was far more concerned about having fun rather than delivering a technically perfect performance! Hence, she ended up sounding a little off key or frail at times. Nothing that took away from the performance though. With someone as engaging as Hikaru I really don’t mind if the singing is less than flawless. Just seeing her having a blast was making up for any missed notes XD Wasn’t a particularly big fan of her anisong section because I didn’t know the songs and she got quite shouty there but I guess that was on purpose. Apart from some slightly screechy shouts she also did some very powerful shouts!

Random observations: The live was completely sold out! BANZAI!! The goods were also sold out (including the H-el-ical// CD). So happy for Hikaru’s “major debut“. I hope many people will watch the anime so she can have a lot of success as H-el-ical//. As has already been established, Keiko and LiSA were there to support Hikaru. They sat in the first row of the second floor (at the very left). Akihiro Tomita was also there. I think he might have taken up the role of producer. Masayuki Ohashi was also there. He was the one taking the picture of Keiko and LiSA. Then we have Takeshi Kato of course. I am expecting a SPICE live report very soon. When Hikaru did her infamous goods corner she also introduced her CD. Once again she mixed up Kalafina and H-el-ical// when she said that there were eight tracks by Kalafina included (during the SPICE broadcast she also mixed up the two if you can remember). It was super cute. Old habits die hard.

Amanhecer: Great start for the live, I LOVE this song. She sat on top of the stairs and sang it beautifully. It almost seemed like she was sparkling in her white coat. Like an angel.

Splendore: The pace really picked up here. Hikaru was running around on stage, jumping up and down. It was amazing to see her so happy. You can tell she was born to be a solo performer (something that cannot be said about Wakana XD).

粉雪 (Cover: Remioromen): Didn’t know the song but it was quite beautiful. Hikaru did a great job. Definitely one of the more memorable performances of the night.

WINTER SONG (Cover: Dreams Come True): Another song I didn’t know, unfortunately I didn’t particularly like it. Can’t really remember any details.

Fili:The first unreleased song from the CD. I loved it. Hikaru said it made her think of the earth. Too bad I can’t listen to my CD while I am in Japan.

Avaricia: Probably my second favourite H-el-ical// song. Awesome performance. Her dress was perfect for the more mature and jazz-y vibe of the verses. But of course my favourite part of the song is the chorus!

yolcu: Hands down the best H-el-ical// performance of the night (and my favourite song so far). This is such a good song!! Can’t believe how much I loved it! The way she was pushing her arm in the air, I literally felt power surging through me. Also, damn, Hikaru was so sexy moving to the exotic rhythm in her red dress.

Instrumental: That was kinda all over the place, didn’t really like it. It started with some sort of extension of “yolcu” and then it became very slow with just Hirotaka Sakurada and the violinist. Then the pace suddenly picked up again and everyone was playing. No idea if it was a special song or them just playing random stuff. I didn’t recognise it.

ARIA & blaze & sprinter: The Kalafina section was super special as expected. Hikaru said that she consulted Yuki Kajiura on the matter, about whether or not it would be a good idea to sing Kalafina songs. Everyone agreed that she should sing them if she wanted to, after all, they made these songs together (as long as the songs aren’t released on DVD/BD I am guessing Hikaru is free to sinf as many Kalafina songs as she wants). Only fitting that she should sing them. Also, her live is called “Tsumugu” which means spinning. It’s about the future of H-el-ical// which she is spinning right now but also about everything that has been spun so far and of course that includes Kalafina. It was just Hikaru, Saku-chan and the violinist. They used the acoustic arrangements from past performances. “ARIA” sounded different from her Birthday Event performance though. It was even slower and more dramatic. I LOVED it. Every time I hear a new version of “ARIA” I fall a little more in love with the song and Hikaru. If you have seen that short snippet of “blaze” in the 10th Anniversary Film then you get an idea of what it sounded like. “sprinter” was super emotional. Not as tear-inducing as during the Arena Live or during Hi’s B-Day Event but still, incredibly powerful. I definitely teared up and so did Hikaru!! “ARIA and sprinter” were shortened considerably since Hikaru didn’t sing any Kajiura-go parts. For the most part she also didn’t sing the Wa/Kei lines. I think she sang“blaze” in its entirety though (except for the bridge).

History Maker & Paradise Lost & 青空のナミダ: I have a hard time saying anything about these songs. I knew “History Maker” from the Birthday Event but the other two songs were completely new to me. No idea how the originals sound like but Hikaru certainly knew how to make the songs her own. I just wish she would have chosen songs better suited for her voice. Occasionally her singing sounded quite off. Or maybe I am wrong and the original songs simply sound like that. Most popular anisongs sound quite noisy to my ears. Whenever I am in Akihabara I have to cringe due to the loud not very pleasant sounding music playing in the background (I feel like it’s always something by Ao Eir or LiSA...no idea)...Hikaru was sexy as hell with her leather outfit so I mostly focused on that. Thank God I brought my binoculars. She was really bad-ass during the anime secret so it was a joy to watch.

Existence: I don’t remember anything about this song tbh, except that it had a very rock-ish vibe. I actually thought it was another anisong at first but then I kinda recognised Gussy’s trademark style and concluded that it must be the other unreleased H-el-ical// song. I probably won‘t be relistening to this a lot.

pulsation: Nice powerful ending! Nothing else to say about it.

EN

This is me: I had heard that song before but I couldn’t really place it. Either way, it was a very engaging performance! There are a lot of ooohhh parts in the song, Hikaru would sing one part and the audience would sing the other part. Everyone had a blast!! This was probably the most active song of the night in terms of audience interaction. Otherwise the audience was pretty tame I would say. Everyone remained seated during the entire live.

TSUMUGU: Not as emotional as I had expected, however, the lalala at the end killed me. We didn’t really sing along properly (neither were we asked to) but it was nice to have everyone waving. More teary eyes but no proper tears.

[15001700tt]

Descendants of the Moon

Earthquakes Don’t Care

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

word count: 2,755 Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 1,469 

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not hold any importance to the story line

Key: Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Episode 6:

*when he goes back to Korea and meets up with Dae Young in the bar, and the whole Delta Force is there and they try to run. * *a bunch of stuff in Korea* *Ok this episode is literally all over the place, it’s basically Shi Jin pining and Mo Yeon regretting her choices. *

-In the Medi-cube where Mo Yeon and Myung Ju, they were having a conversation.-

“Yay, my two friends are finally confronting their old demons” Yoo Ji jokes. Myung Ju smiled but Mo Yeon looked distracted.

“Come, we're going to take a photo!” Doctor Song motioned for Mo Yeon.

“Go, I'll take care of things here, that's what you were here for anyways,” Myung Ju commented offhandedly. Yoo Ji narrowed her eyes at her, she knew their history but she thought that maybe they would be over it since now they're pursuing two different men. Mo Yeon scoffed and went outside, Yoo Ji following her after giving Myung Ju a pointed look.

“When you get back, make sure to give the chairman my greetings” Yoo Ji joked trying to lighten the mood.

“When will you be leaving?” Mo Yeon rolled her eyes at Yoo Ji’s comment.

“I am not sure, I think in a few months, usually when my supervisor sends me on these projects they don't tell me when I come back.” Yoo Ji kicked stones beneath her feet. She didn't know what she would do once she leaves, or how her situation with Gwang Nam would be.

“I am not sure I even want to go back right now” Yoo Ji admitted, remembering the night before when she told Mo Yeon about what happened between Gwang Nam and her. Mo Yeon had scoffed and told her that Captain Yoo had used a version of that Gwang Nam did with her.

“It seems they all use the same advances” Yoo Ji had smiled but she wasn't sure where she stood with him anymore.

Yoo Ji was brought back to the present when Mo Yeon sighed, “I think that makes both of us.”

They ended up taking the pictures and Woo Geun told them their surprise about the helicopters. Yoo Ji was not one to hide, but it seemed like she was doing that quite often, Gwang Nam seemed like he didn't care anymore.  

Gwang Nam searched for Yoo Ji thinking she would come and bid her friends goodbye, and that would be how he would catch her where she can’t run, but it seems she was still in hiding. He mentally smiled, it was kinda cute in the beginning how she was avoiding him but now he just wanted to talk to her about it. He expressed his annoyance the night before to his friends.

“It's like I am the plague,” he groaned.

“What did you do?” Woo Geun asked

“I kissed her” Gwang Nam groaned again. All three men hollered.

“Maybe she’s shy” Shi Jin tried to comfort him.

“We’re still talking about the same Yoo Ji that kicked my ass the first week she arrived here, right? Shy my ass” Cheol Ho snorted.

“She seems to have taken a lesson from Mo Yeon’s book, and is doing the same thing” Shi Jin stated. Gwang Nam groaned once more.

“Why are women so confusing?”

“You can say that again” Shi Jin shook his head before calling it a night, he had to travel back to Korea tomorrow morning.

Now that her friends are leaving he thought maybe that will leave him more room to have that conversation with Yoo Ji. Before they all loaded the helicopters and took off, he went to excuse himself from Woo Geun as he was the stand-in as both their leader and deputy were not on base.

“Are you going to try to find her?” he asked when Gwang Nam finished his report. He relaxed his posture and nodded.

“Hopefully we’ll be able to come to an understanding.”

“Don't come back a single man, Piccolo” Woo Geun teased, Gwang Nam smiled back.

“Yoo Ji?” Gwang Nam called out in the common room. He didn't see her but he heard a small ‘oh shit’ and he figured that she was trying to sneak away without anyone noticing, she seems to have been doing that a lot lately.

“Can we talk about us?” he asked her

“What do you want to talk about?” She avoided his eyes.

“Did I cross a line?” he asked, he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Uh, no, that’s not what I-” the earth started rattling and shaking. Yoo Ji didn't finish her sentence, Gwang Nam realized the severity of the earthquake and crossed the small distance between them and shielded her while making their way out of the room. They were on the second floor, and so they had to make their way out of the building. Once they were out they tried to not be near anything that can fall on top of them. It shook for quite a while and there was a lot of damage. Once the earthquake had ceased, Gwang Nam and the other soldiers gathered to help anyone who was hurt or stuck. Yoo Ji went to the Medi-cube to check on the rest of the medical team and Myung Ju.

“Myung Ju! Myung Ju!” she called out when the doors opened and she came through, she seemed fine.

“I am not hurt, are you?” she asked Yoo Ji. Yoo Ji responded with a shake of her head, she was still shaken up pretty badly, this was so unexpected.

Myung Ju was called to one of the beds, Yoo Ji got closer and saw a groaning Ki Bum on the bed.

“He dislocated his shoulder” one of the soldiers filled her in. Myung Ju propped Ki Bum up and felt around his shoulder before popping it back into place, Ki Bum let out a loud groan of pain but other than that he seemed fine.

Yoo Ji went around helping those who needed it when Doctor Sang Hyun and Mo Yeon came running in.

“ Where's Ha Ja Ae? Ha Ja Ae! ” Sang Hyun’s panicked voice filled up the room.

“Be quiet! I'm right here” Nurse Ha scowled the anxious man while holding a bunch of materials.

“Is there an Army doctor?!” the two way radio strapped to Myung Ju called out.

“Lieutenant Yoon is here! What’s the situation?”

“The solar plant collapsed” his voice barely came through with the static of the walkie talkie, but everyone heard him. They all started filing into cars to get there as the first medical team.

Yoo Ji moved to get into the cars with them but Mo Yeon stopped her, Yoo Ji didn't let her speak though.

“I know first aid and I can help once the reporters start coming through, I have to come” Yoo Ji looked at her with a heated look. Mo Yeon nodded her head solemnly.

They got there and everyone filed in immediately and started helping the soldiers with the injured workers. Ki Bum even though he had an injured shoulder went around and helped everyone get the necessary equipment and materials, and that's what Yoo Ji helped around with. Gwang Nam wanted to protest when he saw that Yoo Ji was tagging along but he knew that it would be fruitless as they needed all hands on deck.

She helped around until it got dark and slowly everyone started to slow down. Yoo Ji had not sat down since she arrived but she was helping a couple of injured people. Gwang Nam was seated with Ki Bum and other soldiers when he saw her run towards someone to aid them with first aid. He kept watching her until she was done. He got up and went over to her and grabbed her shoulder, startling her.

“I didn't mean to startle you, you should take a break, you’ve been running around for the last 6 hours” he suggested. She looked at him with a drive that he hadn't seen in anyone before, she was exhausted, she couldn't deny that but she wanted to do as much as she could.

“I can still help,” she told him. He nodded his head but still moved her towards the seating area.

“Your time here is done”

“It's done when I say it's done” she affirmed.

“You can take a little break” he tried again, they heard the sound of the helicopter, Cheol Ho looked at Gwang Nam, it must be back up. They weren't debriefed on who’s on that plane but they had a very strong feeling both their leader and deputy would be on that plane.

He handed Yoo Ji a water bottle and offered her a smile, before leaving with Cheol Ho and the other soldiers to greet their supervisor.

[chnsfairy]

name please ? | han jisung

words ; 3,441

genre ; fluff, a bit of crack

requested ; yes, who prompt 1;iv ( @skzrequests )

warnings ; barista!reader, guitarist!jisung, like two curse words

a/n ; ok so i bent the prompt juST a lil bit but it has the same general idea and i think it turned out ok so i hope you enjoy it lovely !

m.list in bio

~

“you know y/n, one day you’re gonna have to learn how to make latte art properly,, (￣ ￣|||)” woojin complains before once again guiding your hand over the small mug which at this point is just a huge mess

“and on your own”

(￣ε￣＠) (￣ε￣＠) meanie

“you’ve been what ? working here for half a year and you still dont know how-” woojin tried to continue, but unfortunately for him, his attempt to teach you how to correctly use steamed milk has come to a crashing halt as a loud bang followed by groans was heard by the front door

you turned on your heel and headed towards the front of the counter,, trying to figure out what exactly caused the ruckus in the usually peaceful coffee shop

excluding your’s and woojin’s bickering in the back

“uhhhh excuse me ???” you ask,, carefully peering over to the giant mess that was now on the floor

“you ok sir ?” (・人・)

sprawl across the floor, carrying a guitar case, it seemed as if the stranger misinterpreted both the speed he was entering the door at and the size of the case,, cause it seemed he got caught at the door ahfjksadhfkjsa poor kid (｡╯︵╰｡)

he came dressed in some simple ripped light jeans, white t-shirt, and light jacket, plus his fluffy brown hair messily laying atop his head as if he just got out of bed

i mean who knows maybe he did

yes he did

“aH ! im um,, so sorry im late....”

after finally collecting himself the stranger stood up and picked up his guitar case,, pink tinting his face from embarrassment and like...you know... he kinda cute (*/ω＼)

no tea no shade

especially when he started messing with his already messy hair yeah there was no use trying to fix that mess but uWU LOOK AT HIS CHEEKS AND SPARKLY BROWN EYES AHHH !!!! (/▽＼*)｡o○♡

woah woah there cool in y/n he just walked in

it’s not your fault he just happens to be absolutely adorable

but maybe it would be best to stop staring at him,,,, 

when the boy started walking towards the counter you found yourself quickly shuffling behind woojin, who was now confused, as you pushed him up front to handle with the newcomer,,  

CAUsE SORRY BUT THERE WAS NO WAY YOU WERE GOING TO BE GETTING THROUGH A FULL CONVERSATION WITHOUT MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF SO WHY DONT WE STOP THAT POSSIBILITY NOW

“hi so i was hired a couple days ago to play a few nights a week ?? this is the right place yeah ? im sure i got the address right....if n-”

woojin interrupted his ramblings before he could continue any further,, bless him

“ oh !! so thats who the boss was talking about !! yeah let me just head back to make eveything’s in order, um y/n can you get him a drink or something ?”

walking away from you he left you completely exposed,, giving the other boy across from you an awkward laugh you grabbed woojin’s shirt quickly to stop him from leaving

“woojin you didnt tell me we were getting a new guitarist !!” you whispered harshly

“ᵒʳ ᵃ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵒⁿᵉ”

“well sorry i didnt think it was important ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

“does our friendship mean nothing to you”

woojin laughs quietly as he walks through the the door leaving you alone with the cafe’s new guitarist who just so happens to be looking like a whole ass model

“so um,, ” you started nervously,, mAN who thought this one person you make you so fLUSTERED JHASKKSAFKL

“want anything to drink ?”

after staring at menu up on the wall for a couple seconds the guitarist gave you a small smile JHFJKAGJISFIJEHUIGH before nodding his head

“sure can i have an iced latte ?”

out of habit you immediately asked “name please ?”

“oh you know... just your friendly neighborhood squirrel”

(・・ ) ? (・・ ) ? (・・ ) ?

you eyed the boy who was now leaning up against the counter smiling to himself

“i- oh come on wh-”

“thats the name,, you better write it down”

sighing to yourself you carefully wrote it down,, not necessarily sure if you even need to but who cares

as the musician pulled out his wallet to pay you put up your hand to stop him

cause no way you were letting this cute boy pay for his drink

plus he’s an employee as well

“it’s on the house”

“no please let me pay for it ( `ε´ )”

“nope”

so without anyone else there to help, you stepped away from the register and started prepare this strange guitarist’s drink

quietly laughing to yourself as you do so

moments later woojin walks back through the door and out from behind the counter and motions for mystery boy to follow him towards the small stage the cafe had

it was small and shoved into a corner, all wooden as most of the cafe was and it was covered with many different plants and decorated with fairy lights

vv aesthetic if you do say so yourself

then in the center of it was a stool and microphone for performer to set up with and use when they were performing

a couple months ago you had a band play here on friday’s so you had some other equipment in the back but it seemed unnecessary for a simple acoustic guitar 

you watched as the boy looked at the fairy lights and the actually quiet beautiful set up in awe

the musician started to unpack his guitar case as you finished off his drink and started walking towards the stage where woojin was showing him where everything was

“you know now that i really think about it ‘squirrel’ kinda suits you”

the sparkly eyed boy laughed as you handed him his drink,, unknowing of what you should say you ended up standing there awkwardly for a few seconds before  realizing there was another customer back at the register

“ah- i should,, probably go” you said jabbing your thumb towards the counter before awkwardly heading back

what was tHAT AHHH !! STOP BEING SO WEIRD Y/N OK

ITS REALLY NOT YOUR FAULT HIS HAIR JUST LOOKS PERFECT AND HIS EYES ARE BRIGHT AND HIS SMILES CUTE AND OK TIME TO STOP NOPE NOPE NOPE

you dont even know his name....(｡•́︿•̀｡) (｡•́︿•̀｡) (｡•́︿•̀｡)

lil thot wont give it to you

but thats ok

if he wants to play it like this then thats fINE

you can deal with that

hopefully....

by the time you had finished helping out the other customer you started to hear the sweet sound of an acoustic guitar being played throughout the coffee shop

“you know he’s not half bad,,,”

woojin had returned from helping the musician get settled and soon found his regular spot on a stool in the corner

“yeah,, he’s pretty good isn’t he”

and then a few minutes later you found yourself completely absorbed in the brunette’s angelic voice filling the shop, his guitar only making it even more beautiful

your staring was soon interrupted by woojin pushing you off to the side so he could help a lady who had walked in about a minute ago,, which you hadn’t realized (＞﹏＜) oops

“y/n would you like to go take your break ?”

(´♡‿♡`)  (´♡‿♡`)  (´♡��♡`)

!!!!!

“ can i ???”

woojin motioned you to go once again,, and as you were already so distracted it wouldn’t have made much of a difference

you found yourself sitting at an empty table in the corner,, you’ve heard some other guitarists perform many times in your life but this one takes the cake

you’re not too sure what it is about him but,,, he just looked and sounded so sincere with every word he sang ??? the guitar and him looked like they were a single creature,, knowing exactly how to work as one

it was just really beautiful

he was playing a cover of a song you’ve heard a few times before called ‘better days’ by jaie,, he also seemed to have ended up adding some extra elements to fit his voice better and overall it made an incredible impact

almost everyone else in the cafe had their eyes on the musician singing up front who looked so immersed in his music there would’ve been no time for stage fright

“i’ve had my better days, and you’ve had your better days too” he sang quietly

soon after the song had ended there was a light applause from the customers in the coffee shop,, including you who soon.... realized that you need a paycheck....

yeah ok the cute boy is gonna have to wait we gotta get that bread kids

(╥_╥) (╥_╥)

after making the short walk back to your position behind the counter where woojin found his spot once again on his stool until he had to go make up some drinks you started to hear an acoustic version of million dollar man by lana del rey flow through the cafe

it was simple and elegant and you felt kinda sad you couldnt sit and watch :(((((

there was only a couple hours left before you had to close up so you guess it wasnt that bad,, at least you got to listen to some pretty music during the normally slow and quiet closing shift

honestly at this rate you might fall asleep if the guitarist kept the atmosphere this peaceful,, i mean you weren’t complaining bUT THAT PROBABLY WOULDN’T LOOK GOOD TO THE BOSS

so instead you ended up reading for the most of the time until all the customers had all left and woojin had begun wiping down tables and sweeping floors as mystery boy packed up his guitar and papers

then after you finished cleaning up the counter and throwing all the trash out back you collected your own belongings and changed back into your own plain jeans and sweatshirt before clocking out for the day

as you headed back towards the front you saw woojin talking to the unnamed guitarist and waved at the pair before finally walking out the door and into the early spring air

“bye jinnie !! i’ll see you tomorrow !”

nodding his head woojin continued to chat with the brunette as you started heading down the block and towards your apartment

man,,, why did he have to be so cute ??! >:((((

its not fAIR HE DIDNT EVEN TELL YOU HIS NAME HES MEANNN

(ノ_<、) you’ll have to get it from him tomorrow

aAAH even if it’s the last thing you have to do

ok so maybe you went to sleep thinking about the sparkly eyed boy who played beautiful guitar and had an aMAZING voice but like ajdhjsahd who wouldn’t

the next day was mainly the same,,, you had your regulars and a few newcomers who just so happened to be in the neighborhood and stopped in for a drink

and of course the guitarist walked back into the shop a little after 4,, this time slightly more put together 

his hair was styled a bit and looked even better but how the fuck is that possible,, today he was also wearing a leather jacket over a yellow hoodie and black jeans

although you hadn’t realized he’d come in yet ahjksfhasdjk

but when you finally looked up you were pleasantly surprised

but jeSUS HI YOU’VE SEEN WHAT AN ANGEL LOOKS LIKE BYE YOU CAN GO TO HELL NOW YEET 

“what are you a ninja ? ”

“yes y/n,, i am in fact a ninja ”

“hEY WHY DO YOU KNOW MY NAME >:CCCCCC”

its nOT FAIR hE JUST- HNGGG

“it’s on your name tag”

“oh yeah”

you slightly pouted at the boy in front of you who had become slightly amused by your reaction,, you were cute uwu

“and what would you like today ?” you proceeded as you tried to keep the conversation going

“hmm how about a cappuccino”

he responded after a couple of seconds

“nO i cANT DO THE FANCY ART THINGYYY (╥﹏╥)”

you sighed once again before talking out a paper cup sharpie in hand

“and name ?”

"you said it yourself,,, im a ninja”

you laughed again before rolling your eyes as you scribbled down ‘ninja’ on the cup

“you’re funny you know that ?”

the male shrugged his shoulders and picked up his guitar case once again

“actually no beCAUSE MY JOKES ARE NEVER APPRECIATED” 

he then laughs hysterically before heading back towards the lit stage,, leaving you puzzled

“heY uM woojin ????” you needed to find that man to help do the steamed milk,,, or maybe the whole drink all together

luckily he just came back from his break when you shoved the paper cup into his hands

“ninja ?”

“dont ask. pretty art. make. plEASE ? (ಥ﹏ಥ)” you had started tugging on your friends sleeve because you just really didnt want to give a cute boy a cappuccino without pretty art on it :(((

“fine fine fine,, but this is the LAST time,,, im teaching you this weekend i swear...”

“woojin i loveeeee youuuu” (´ ε ` )♡

“(￢_￢) i know”

minutes later after the musician had gotten set up and with his pretty decorated cappuccino the sweet sound of his voice and guitar filled the air,, having all other customers in the room turn their heads to find exactly where it was coming from

especially as he started doing a cover of instagram by dean,, which was yA KNOW AMAZING

he continued to play for a couple hours until you had to close up,, although every so often he ended up glancing your way,, to find that you were also watching he quickly turned away as he felt his face heat up (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) 

lucky you,, he didnt see you freak out at the exact same time

and thats basically how it went every day for a while

the still unnamed guitarist would walk in some time after 4, ordered a drink and then played for a couple hours before it was time to close up

nothing out of the ordinary

i mean maybe nOT GIVING HIS NAME 

CAUSE GODDAMNIT YOU’RE GETTING ANNOYED BY ALWAYS WRITING SOME RANDOM NAME ON HIS CUP

HE CUTE OK YOU WANNA KNOW HIS NAME AHHHH

oh why dont you ask, you question ????

YOU’VE TRIED

“ok real name this time”

“y/n i’ve already told you”

ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ NO

“well tell me again”

“yeah i decided that it changed today”

sighing you completely gave up on this argument and motioned back to the sharpie in your hand 

“kermit the frog.” he said before crossing his arms in a fake pout

“fuck you i love kermit the frog”

“oh i didn’t know you loved me”

((╬◣﹏◢)) aAHHHH NDHFJKJK WHY CANT HE JUST LEAVE YOUR HEART ALONE ALREADY HUH

“nO I- HNGG T^T ....φ(・∀・*)”

you once again angrily scribbled down this boys fake name,, damn you just wanted to knoW AHHH !!! (╥﹏╥)

those were days where five minute arguments were involved with the name picking yet there were others that lasted only 30 seconds

“ __〆(￣ー￣ ) and name please ?”

“ironman”

“yeah no im just leaving this here today”

so after a couple weeks it was just a thing between the two of you

it was your bit per-say

ok maybe you have a tiny crush on the guy but like ???? who wouldn’t ???? he’s just AHhfhasjkf 

words cant properly explain it

the two of you clicked almost immediately and you dont feel as if it would be completely wrong to call him a friend

except most friends know each other’s name...so there’s that bit to work out

iF HE WOULD JUST GIVE IT TO YOU

so after a month of random names on paper cups you had a mission today to get this cute boy’s name on his drink today >:(

“ok please please please please please please your name????” 

he gave you another one of his bright smiles before simply saying “han”

(￣_￣)・・・ “han what?”

“just han”

(¯ . ¯٥) the lil liar

you know it’s a last name you’re nOT STUPID

“it’s my stage name”

“＼＼٩(๑`^´๑)۶／／ WELL THAT DOESN’T COUNT”

“TOO BAD Y/N”

you pouted once again at your failed attempt to get his real name,,, the meanie,,, why does he tease you like this >:ccc

but you gotta get paid so you grumpily write down his stage name on the cup as he walked over to the stage

“get his name yet ?” woojin comes up from behind you as you hand him the cup

“no :((( bUT why cant you tell me ????”

“i’ve been sworn to secrecy”

“wHY IS KEEPING A NAME A SECRET” you argue as you watch woojin prepare the drink

“because he finds you cute when you get flustered like this”

“bECAUSE IT’S JUST A NAME LIKE- wait what (・・ ) ”

“oops that was another secret soRRy”

you turned back around and grabbed your friends shoulders and shook him probably a bit too violently

“WOOJIN YOU DONT KEEP THINGS LIKE THIS FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND OK WE HAVE A PACT”

“what pact ?????”

“it was an unspoken pact.”

“thEN HOW AM I- you know what never mind i shouldn’t question your insanity” he waved you off so he could finish making ‘han’s drink leaving you both flustered and confused behind the counter as his guitar soon started filling the empty sounding coffee shop

about two hours later there only remained a few other people left so you decided to take your break for the evening as by now there probably wouldnt be much to do

soon a new song had started playing throughout the cafe and your head turned to see the guitarist giving you a shy smile

it was one you had never heard before so the gentle acoustic guitar and han’s comforting voice drew you back towards one of the shop’s tables where you then sat until all other customers ended up leaving

as the two of you were completely unaware of woojin cleaning up the shop, han continued playing and you continued listening to the mystery song before woojin shouted from the back room, forcing you to break eye contact and awkwardly smile at the guitarist

“y/n im clocking you out ok ?!” 

“ ok !!” you shouted back before once again turning towards han who was now packing up his case

“what was that last song?”

he muscician scratched the back of his neck before laughing sightly

“uhh it was an original although i haven’t actually titled it yet,, i just wanted to test it out”

“oh wow !! well it was really good, you have my approval ☆⌒(≧▽° )”

“woah really ? thank you that mean a lot...”

(・人・) (・人・) (・人・)

ok woojin it would be great if you could just walk in here and break the awkward silence by now hnNG

“jisung”

∑(O_O;)

“sorry what ??”

“han jisung,,, thats my name”

(O.O)(O.O)

“i think you deserve it by now”

Σ(°ロ°) Σ(°ロ°) Σ(°ロ°)

“aWE A CUTE NAME FOR A CUTE BOY LOOK-”

oh shit (o_O)

well you certainly did not mean to say that out loud

“oops sorry heheheheh”

jisung was GONE

this barista who he had been secretly pining over for a month just called him cute all his insides are just HJSADHKJAKDSA

help the poor boy

his stomach is doing flips as we speak

i mean he couldn’t just leave it as is 

cOME ON WHERE’S YOUR CONFIDENCE  ヾ(。＞＜)シ

“so um,, does that mean i can take you out to coffee sometime ?”

(;;;*_*) (;;;*_*)

“although unless you dont want to-”

“yes.”

“i get that like you kinda just learned my name”

“yes.”

“not too sure why that was kept a secret so long but- what?”

“jisung 1. ahhh cute name, 2. yes, i’d love to (／。＼)”

jisung gave you another one of his adorable bright smiles that felt as if it could light up a whole room,, which is did as always,, although this time he looked almost even happier

and for once you went to sleep without racking your brain for ideas as to what his name could be

-

bonus ;

“although if you give them something other than your name i will leave”

“y/n” 

“like did me saying ‘name please ?’ cause you to freak out or something ?? honestly i’m very curious”

“wELL when it just so happens to be someone looking very cute...yes i did,,,,”

“aWWEEE JISUNG” 

[emisonme]

Lauren's path..........

I'm not even sure, where to begin. People are banging their heads against the wall, trying to figure out, what the hell is going on, with Lauren and her career.

Again, the first thing you need to understand, is Lauren is still with Syco. If Simco Ltd. owns the copyright to her solo music, she is still under contract with them, period!

It's pretty clear, the initial rumors that Camila and Lauren had solo options in their contracts, were correct. It's also clear, Syco picked up those solo options, as they are the only two still connected to Syco. Syco didn't have solo options on the other girls, but Sony still had control over their recording contracts. After the hiatus, with the exception of Ally, they split the other girls between the Sony Labels.

Camila stayed with Syco/Epic. Lauren is with Syco/Columbia. Normani went to a RCA imprint, with distribution through RCA. Dinah went to LA Reid's new label, that is still connected to Sony. Sony cut Ally loose, and she signed with Atlantic, which is a WMG label.

OK, now, we got the "rumor" that Lauren was signing with Columbia, back in January of last year. A year ago. If they were spreading the "rumor", then the deal was pretty much done. So, she has been a Columbia artist, for at least a year now.

Lauren has said, she didn't start writing her own MUSIC, until the beginning of 2018. It appeared, she was contradicting herself, when she stated she wrote MTT 2/3 years ago, a long ass time ago, and before she started "dating" Ty. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, and say, she wasn't necessarily lying or contradicting herself.

We all know, Lauren has been writing poetry, and song lyrics, for years. Even before X-Factor. But, lyrics are not the only aspect of a song. Those lyrics have to be set to music, to make a song. I can believe her, when she said she didn't start writing or composing music to go with her poetry/lyrics, until last year, because I think that's what she actually meant...If not, it's just another bullshit lie, among many.

Moving on. In June, they had her opening for Halsey's SA tour, where she performed three of her new solo songs, Expectations, Toy, and Inside. The fans started demanding the studio version of Expectation, so in October, we got it, with a video. Columbia never sent it to radio. It was a promotional single.

In November, she performed two new songs, at the MTV vote after party. They were More Than That and Freedom. The fans asked for MTT to be her next single, and a few days ago, that's what they got. The video will be released Friday. Columbia hasn't set a radio impact date, as of yet. Maybe they are waiting to see what the video will do.

I, too, will wait for the video, to do any kind of analysis of MTT. I will say, the production was subpar. Whoever did the sound mixing, done Lauren a definite disservice.

Lauren said, she is still trying to figure out her sound. That translates to, the Label is still trying to figure out how to market her and her music. It is the Labels responsibility to market the artist and promote their music. The label will monitor the internet, and collect the data, to find out what a particular artists demographic is, and they will cater the artist, to that demographic.

The artist will compile a big song library, for each album. Usually for the first solo album, they will have around 30/40 songs in the can, ready to choose from. The artist and their manager, will work with the label A&R, to choose the best songs for the album, based on the data collected. Columbia had multiple chances to collect that data. BTM, AN, Strangers, IYP, Expectations, Toy, Inside, MTT, and Freedom. They were all used for data mining. The Label A&R will use that data, to guide the artist in the direction to best connect to the public in her demographic.

Once they figure out Lauren's marketing strategy, it is up to the label to promote the music, to the GP. Thy choose the official singles. They choose when and if a single gets sent to radio. If it doesn't get sent to radio, it gets labeled a promo single, and it's up to the artist and their fans, to push it.

Radio looks to Shazam, and the amount of streams a promo single gets, to decide if they want to dedicate air time to it, or not. The more Shazam streams, the better chance it gets ait time. That's why people are always reminding the fans to stream on Shazam, as well as Spotify, YouTube, and other streaming sites.

It's also, usually, up to the label, to get a single put on popular playlists, and which, if any, television appearances for the single.

It's up to the artists management, to promote the artist. They do this, in conjunction with the label. It is the managements job, to create and control the artists/brands public image. They manage how the public sees the artist, when the public sees the artist, and where the public sees the artist.

The PR Teams and Talent Agents, work in conjunction with the management, to get the artist out there, to get attention from the media and therefore, the public.

It is the artist themselves, that has the most important role in their own career. The Label can market the artist, the management can get them attention, but it is completely up to the artist, to make a connection to fans and potential fans. If an artist isn't making a connection to the public, then the rest of it doesn't even matter.

Lauren is more than capable of making that connection. The problem is, her image is turning people off, and I'm not just talking about fans, but also potential endorsements. Her public image, right now, is not a good one, and she knows it.  Unfortunately, her damn managers would rather promote Ty and a dog, more than Lauren.

Don't get me wrong, Gracie is cute and Lauren's interaction with her, is adorable. I know they made sure she, and her dog, got nominated for one of the most ridiculous awards ever, but I'd much rather Lauren be promoted and recognized for her talent, than her cute little pet.

Columbia needs to get her a presenter spot at the Grammy's, so she can walk the carpet, and be seen on prime time television. They need to get her a performance spot on the iHeart music awards. Those air on March 19. Hopefully Columbia is ready to release an official single, and she can perform it there, like Camila did.

Honestly, her next single needs to be about something personal. Something inspirational. It doesn't have to be a slow ass ballad, but it needs to be about something that makes folks want to get to know Lauren. Expectations would have been a good choice...IF they hadn't turned everyone off to it, by saying she wrote the damn thing about Ty not being there to cuddle when she wanted him to. (that was literally one of the dumbest explanations for a song, I had ever heard)

I really don't think MTT is that song, either. The subject matter has turned even her own fans off. (I have my own theory about the song, but I'm waiting for the video to see if I'm even close to right) The problem with MTT, is the subject matter automatically takes people's minds to her "cheating" with Ty. Even though she has said, she wrote it before she even started "dating" him. The lyrics just took people there, and that was a turn off, for many. Her next single needs to be something that represents her. Not her fucking "boyfriend", not her fucking dog, but her.

She has plenty of music ready to go, so they really need to get her out there, performing at some of these Festivals. They may not all know who she is at those things, but that's the point, to get her out there, seen and heard.

She really needs to do some of the more popular radio shows, like Zane Lowe. She did good on Zack Sang, but Zane is a pretty good interviewer. He doesn't throw softball questions, so she needs to be ready, and willing to answer all the tough questions.

She hasn't been to Europe or Great Britain since what, 2016. She needs to get over there and show her face. Do some interviews, especially BBC Radio, or whatever it's called. Really, she needs to be doing a lot more than walking around propping Ty's ass up, and packing around her pooch.

Maverick needs to do their damn job, and take her for a sit down with the Spotify and YouTube folks, and make a deal with them, herself. Her Label isn't doing much, but she can talk to them and get them to sponsor her and promote her, for exclusive content. That will get her on all the popular playlists, and billboards. She doesn't need to rely on Columbia to do all this shit for her. She can help herself out, as well.

They need to scrub her SM, especially her Instagram, of anything that might be deemed problematic. The big Brands will not even consider her, for Celebrity Endorsements, if all they see is her partying it up, smoking dope all the damn time.

Lauren is a solo artist, now. She is no longer handcuffed, by a group image, or the set plan for that group. As a solo artist, she does have more say in her career, but she isn't as free as she is letting on. She has more freedom, than she had as a member of 5H, though.

Lauren needs to take some of that new found freedom, sit her management team down, tell them what she wants and expects for her career. If Maverick isn't willing to manage her career, the way she expects them to, then she needs to fire their ass, and find a manager who will.

Yes, she can fire them. As a solo artist, she pays them 15% of her earnings. If they aren't earning that 15%, she can hire someone who will. Camila did. Normani did. She can, too.

They need to put an end to all these stupid narratives. They need to.....You know what, I could sit here all day, and say what I think they all should do, but I'm not Lauren, her manager, or her Label. Maybe they have it all figured out, and are just slow walking her, I don't know. But, I do know, what they have chosen to do thus far, isn't really working, and it's really pissing me off.

Lauren has the talent to succeed in this damn business. She has the intelligence to succeed in this damn business. I just hope she has the will to succeed in this damn business. It's not really going to get any easier, at least not for a while....I really hope she achieves that dream she had when she was younger. I hope she finds that solo success, she always knew she was capable of. I know I'm rooting for her.

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [pt. iii] | s.m.

a/n: ummmm this baby is a little over 3k and has an entire beautiful sappy cutesy fluffy scene that is not in the movie, i love it. i’m so happy with it. pls enjoy i hope you enjoy. send me some feedback if you would, i love hearing from you!

part i. part ii.

I was used to being invisible. But with Shawn by my side, people were looking at me. Talking about me. I could practically feel Gen’s eyes searing into my back as I walked through the cafeteria with Shawn, his hand in my back pocket. And he thought that wouldn’t do the trick. He spun me around to face him, and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But it wasn’t because the people were looking at us, it was because Shawn was looking at me. His eyes were always so intense, and how does he look like he cares so much when this is all for show?

“This is for you,” Shawn whispered into my ear, as he handed me a note. There were little music notes on the paper. My first lyrical note from Shawn Mendes. What an accomplishment. “Good job. I’ll see you in a bit?”

It was weird and almost off putting, being congratulated for doing nothing more than accepting a note, and having an ass pocket for Shawn to stick his hand into. But, I guess that’s where life has me now.

___

A knock on the front door interrupted a serious baking session that I was right in the middle of. And when I say it was an interruption, I mean it was the biggest interruption it possibly could have been. It was a Shawn Mendes sized interruption, and one I wasn’t exactly wanting to deal with currently.

“Hello to you too, Pillsbury Dough Boy.” Shawn muttered to me as he stepped into the house. It was a fair comment, I suppose. I was wearing an apron and was covered in flower. So I wasn’t a master chef, sue me.

“I’m making cupcakes for Sofia’s bake sale,” I replied flatly.

“You know brownies would be so much easier. That’s what my mom always did.”

“Shawn Peter Raul Mendes, what are you doing here?”

Shawn laughed at the name, “What did you not read my note? It wasn’t just an amazingly written lyric ya know? I’m taking you to a party.”

“What? No you aren’t.”

“Uh, yes. I am,” Shawn fought. “First off, Gen’s gonna be there. Second of, parties are in the contract. And you can’t go back on the contract. A deal’s a deal.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “I’m sorry. I can’t go.”

“Can’t go to what?” My dad waltzed into the conversation at the exact wrong moment. He knew I had nothing to do today. Tonight. Or ever, really. “Is that Shawn Mendes?” He looked at Shawn with wide eyes. “Little Shawn Mendes? You’re as tall as me now.”

Shawn laughed, “It’s good to see you Dr. Y/L/N.”

“You can call me Dan.”

“I’m just here to pick up Y/N and take her to a party. The parents will be home, and I will have her home early.” God he’s so good. Too good. He knows exactly how to work parents. What a shocker. “Is it alright if we go?”

“Yes!” Dad practically shouted in glee at the same time as I said, “Noooo.”

“I can’t go, I have to finish these cupcakes. I promised Sof.”

“I think Sof and I can handle some cupcakes, you go have fun with your friends.”

___

“Shawn really, please I don’t want to go.”

Shawn was basically dragging you up the stairs to the house party at this point. And Shawn wasn’t having any of your lame ass excused. “No, Nope. Nope. We’re going. It’s in the contract.”

We stood outside the door for a moment, and I nervously began pulling my hair into my favorite scrunchie before Shawn was grabbing my hands. “What are you doing? Stop.”

He took the scrunchie from me, despite my protest. “Stop, I like your hair down.” And if it were for his dumb stupid kind eyes, you would have fought him on it. “You look pretty, and I’ll prove it to you.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly took a picture of me before I could ruin it with some silly face.

“Fine, but you can’t lose that. It’s my favorite scrunchie.”

“Deal, now give me your phone.”

“Why?”

Shawn rolled his eyes, “Would you trust me?” Sure. Why not. Why wouldn’t I trust my fake boyfriend who up until a week ago, only spoke to me if forms of apologies for his horrible ex girlfriends behavior.

Shawn took an admittedly cute selfie and made it the background on my phone, pulling out his phone with the picture of me he’d just taken of me as his background. “Now, let’s gooooo.”

I tried one last protest, before he was pulling me into the depths of the party.

Shawn almost immediately left my side to get us drinks. I found myself floating around, awkwardly, hovering over peoples games or conversations, until Gen called out after me.

“Hey Y/N come sit with us,” one of Gen’s friends called.

Figuring this is exactly what the parties were in the contract for, I ventured over at sat.

“So, you and Shawn? Spill the deets.” Gen’s same friend said.

“Well? What do you want to know?” There wasn’t much to know, other than the fact that it was all fake, but that was obviously off limits.

“Well everything, duh.”

“Drop it,” Gen told her friend, “They obviously haven’t done anything because it’s Y/N.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Gen?” I asked quickly.

“It’s pretty simple. I know Shawn. And I know you. And Shawn doesn’t go for people like you. So you really don’t have to pretend, honey. He might have kissed you in the seventh grade, but we all know that meant nothing.” Gen laughed as she stood up to leave, “Would you like a drink? A juice box? Maybe some chocolate milk.”

“I’m good, Shawn’s actually getting me a drink. But thanks for the offer.” I threw my best smug smile at Gen, right as Shawn hopped over the couch.

“Hey babe.”

Gen was leaving now, but Shawn didn’t seem too concerned. I took my drink from his hand and took a sip, smiling up at him. In another world, where Shawn Mendes wasn’t...well Shawn Mendes, he’d actually be the perfect boyfriend. He was so pretty. The curls were irresistible. And he had this perfect mix of charm and class that just made everything about him ideal. But that wasn’t the world I lived in. I lived in the world where Shawn Mendes was hopelessly in love with Gen. No matter how horrible she was.

“Hey let’s take a selfie,” Shawn says.

I leaned in a gently kissed his cheek as he snapped the photo. If anyone ever asked me, I’d deny it, but being with Shawn was comfortably easy. I’d expected to be annoyed constantly by childish behavior. Or maybe that he’d try and push the boundaries we’d set. But...I was wrong. About everything really. It made sense why Gen had liked him, but Shawn liking someone like Gen; that was different.

___

“Where are we going?” I asked as Shawn drove away from the party.

It’d only been an hour since you’d arrived, and there was still at least a solid two hours before Dad would expect Shawn to have me home by. Shawn’s excuse for leaving: “I just can’t handle Gen’s eyes on us anymore. It’s unnerving. And annoying.” I’d been under the impression that Gen’s lingering eyes were the exact reason for our situation to begin with. But it’s not like I wanted to stay at the party, so I’d followed as he pulled me through the house without an argument.

“Just...be quiet.” Shawn huffed.

Folding my arms across my chest, I replied. “Fine, but I’m putting on music at least.”

Fleetwood Mac quickly filled the speakers of Shawn’s Jeep as he rolled down both the front windows and threw his arm out of the window. Not even a few minutes later, Shawn was grunting in frustration as he hit the steering wheel.

“Shawn, what’s wrong?” I asked quietly.

He just shook his head staying silent. I honestly didn’t know how to handle a frustrated Shawn. Especially when I didn’t know what had him in the mood to begin with, so I stayed silent, deciding to hum quietly to the songs instead.

Fifteen minutes later, and Shawn was still driving. He’d still given no clues to where, in fact he hadn’t said a single word since entering the car. But the tension in his shoulders had eased when Leather and Lace by Stevie Nicks came on. He smiled at the road, and sang the song under his breath. He didn’t know I was paying attention, but how could I not. A relaxed Shawn was something special to witness, let me tell you.

Ten minutes later, and whatever was on Shawn’s mind upon getting into the Jeep was a distant memory. He was happily, and might I add loudly, singing along to Slow Hands. He’d occasionally throw funny glances my way, and hopefully he couldn’t see the fond look that I know was creeping onto my face. That would just be embarrassing. But how could you not look at this Shawn Mendes and be fond? He was giggly and happy and just being himself? I honestly don’t think I’d ever seen this version of Shawn before, now that I think about it.

“So where you taking us, bub?”

Shawn shot up an eyebrow at the name, but said nothing.

“Geesh, Y/L/N, just let me surprise you, will you?”

You choked out a laugh, trying not to think too hard about Shawn putting together a “surprise” when this was all just supposed to be fake. (For something so fake, it had a way of feeling kind of real.)

A couple minutes later, Shawn pulls his Jeep onto a deserted dirt road, and I’m just now realizing that you’d left the suburbs behind quite some time ago. We’d been driving on somewhat country roads for a while now.

“You’re gonna kill me in the woods, aren’t you?” I deadpanned.

“And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids,” Shawn joked right back. Shawn rolled his eyes at me before continuing, “Seriously though, shut up for like five minutes, and you’ll see.”

Deciding to once again not argue (a novel idea really), I just leaned back and surveyed the surroundings. You know, just incase I had to call the authorities.

But really all there was to look at were trees. Like...lots of trees. And a minute later, Shawn was driving through the woods. On a somewhat paved path. And suddenly, I was very thankful that we’d taken his Jeep to the party, and not my rinky dink car. It most definitely would not have made the drive.

And as if Shawn had timed it perfectly, he came to a stop in a small clearing of the woods as Slow Hands came to a dramatic close.

Shawn turned off the car and reached into the back of his Jeep where he pulled out a thick fleece blanket.

“You just have blankets laying around back there, Mendes?”

“Actually, yes.” Shawn looked directly at me, “My mom always told me to have a blanket in my car incase I got stranded while it was cold.”

I blinked at him for a moment, not expecting a real response. “Valid,” I finally muttered, hoping not to look like the fucking idiot I truly, truly was in this moment. “So what are we doing?”

Shawn hopped out of the Jeep, blanket in hand, and rushed over to my door to help me out of the Jeep. The grass was getting wet under my feet from the dew forming. Shawn’s hand held mine as he guided me further into the clearing, and again, I’m just hit with the this feeling too real. Not fake enough. Not manufactured. This was not in the contract. But pushing the anxieties aside, I could see the moment forming around me. Almost as if I were observing from the outside.

Shawn laid out the blanket on the grass, and layed down, gesturing for me to do the same. Eventually, after standing astonished for a second too long, I followed suite. Close enough to him to feel his body heat radiating out, but not close enough to touch.

“So we’re here because…” I whispered, not wanting to interrupt the quiet atmosphere.

“Because, sometimes you just gotta get away, you know?” Shawn’s face turned to look at me. “You know sometimes I think I like Gen, but then there are days like today when I can’t understand why I bother with her,” his breath fanned over my face, intermingling with my own. “You know she cornered me, in the bathroom of all places.” He turned to look back at the stars. “She just pisses me off so much, Y/N. I wish I could just be like you, ya know?”

I didn’t really mean to laugh, but it came out anyway. “Like me? What do you mean?”

“You’re not afraid of her.”

I scoffed, “Shawn, I’m terrified of her.”

He shook his head, still not looking at me. But I was looking at him, how could I not? “No you aren’t. Like that day she was making fun of your boots. And you didn't even fucking care. You didn’t let it get to you? You told me she had a chemical imbalance,” Shawn giggled softly as his hand came to cover his mouth. Almost as if he hadn’t meant to laugh at something so rude.

“You remember all that?” I asked shyly.

“Yeah, I mean… I couldn’t say anything because we were together. But...those shoes weren’t just cool. I thought they were….you looked hot in them. They worked well on you, yeah?”

“Thank you…” I whispered.

Staring at the stars with Shawn Mendes was surreal. The night was beautiful, the stars were shining, and Shawn’s gravitational pull felt indeniable. Like, I had to be closer to him. I didn’t want to be closer to him, god, no. He’s Gen’s ex boyfriend. And Gen was honestly the last person I should have been making enemies of, and yet… There I was, laying next to Shawn. So close that our pinkies were touching, and if I wasn’t mistaken, Shawn was moments away from wrapping our hands together completely.

But it was fake. It was all supposed to be fake. So why? Why do this?

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with her, honestly?” I blurted out. Apparently lacking complete control over my body in this moment.

“What? I’m not obsessed,” Shawn stuttered.

“She’s your only girlfriend you’ve ever had, eh?” Shawn nodded, “And she’s left you for some other guy, yet you just wanna get back with her? Shawn, if she doesn’t see what you’re worth then she’s not worth the time.”

Shawn scoffed, “You’ve never even had a boyfriend, you can’t really be handing out the advice.”

“I just think you should move on, if she doesn’t want you. That’s her loss.” Okay, that was a little bold for my taste, but I guess bold is what we’re doing tonight.

“You know, for someone so quiet all the time, you sure have a lot of opinions,” Shawn muttered under his breath.

“I think you’re just not used to people being honest with you.”

Shawn laughed again. He rolled over on his side, completely facing me. He rested his head on his arm, propped up and said with a hint of mirth, “You wanna talk about honesty? Be honest, why haven’t you ever had a boyfriend?”

“I guess no one's ever liked my like that,” I shrugged simply. Avoidance was key here.

“Lies. I know for a fact that you were asked to spring formal and you turned it down. That is a verifiable fact. So don’t go denying it. There are no secrets between fake boyfriend and fake girlfriend.”

“Okay, well it’s simple really. Love? Dating? It’s fun to read about. To immerse yourself in a fictional world. To put all your feelings into a character or a storyline. To see something epic take place. To get a happy ending every time, in words or even just in your mind. But people are different. Real life, it’s different. Giving yourself over to someone. Trusting them. Trusting that they won’t hurt you…or leave you. That’s...Shawn, that’s terrifying.”

“Why? Why’s that so scary?”

I turned on my side to mirror Shawn, “Because...the more people you let in. The more people you let have little parts of you. The more people that come into your circle. Into your life...the more than just walk right out.”

“Just...like your mom, right?” Shawn whispered.

It wasn’t supposed to be a sad conversation. I hadn’t meant for it to turn out that way. It was all just teasing Shawn about Gen and yet here I was...pulling out the dead mom card. But it was the truth, it was my truth. When you feel the loss of someone so deeply, it changes you. And it had certainly changed me.

Shawn sighed, “You know, I’m really sorry. I don’t think I ever told you when it happened. That’s not something a kid should ever have to go through.”

“It’s just hard...without her sometimes.”

Shawn smiled sadly. I hated those smiles. The smiles that just shot pity at you. That said “I can’t relate, but I’m here for you”. Or that said “it’ll get better in time”.  

“But you know,” Shawn started, “Your mom didn’t just walk out. She loved you, but she didn’t leave you. Not the kind of leaving you’re talking about being afraid of. She’s still always going to be with you. In her heart. In your memories. That’s nothing to be afraid of, Y/N. That’s something to treasure. You hold onto the memories and the stories. That’s how you keep her with you. How she doesn’t leave.”

There wasn’t really a proper response to that. It was more of a thing you thought about, slept on, took home with you. And so I just stared into Shawn’s eyes. Wondering who made him so smart. Who made him so perfect. Who made him so irresistible that it was completely and totally too easy to realize that he was just pretending.

That it was all fake.

tagged: @rosecth @honestlygarbage @peacedolantwins2

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

11/7/19 3:27am - Three Dates, Three Girls, Three Days

So after me and Jill had a nice night out and fucked again I had to go home to play poker with Velli and get ready for my date with Maria that day.

We had a score to settle, after the night we spent watching kakegurui he was obsessed and wanted to get her as a waifu from me in the stupid discord waifu game if I’ve mentioned that. So I told him I’d give him the main character for all of undertale and he said I was on some shit. I told him we could gamble for it, since that’s what yumeko would do. So we made these plans to play texas hold’em until someone lost. 

Of course he did. It kind of came down to the first hand, tbh. He hit a pair off the flop but I hit a three of a kind and he didn’t want to believe I’d have a 4 in my opening hand and bet on it, so he started raising ME and gave me almost all his chips right off the bat. So I won waifus. And we watched more kakegurui until it was time for Maria to come pick me up for a date that we’d arranged.

We went out to raleigh times and got tacos, and went to boxcar and played some games. She’s pretty competitive, but I kicked her ass at galaga :3 turns out she likes the same arcade games as me. We played some air hockey, and she fucking railed me at skee ball. We played some space invaders and then bounced out to karaoke. Skylar finally sang for the first time! but I missed it and he said he was pumped to do another though, so I ended up singing She Bangs by Ricky Martin with him lol. Also sang Maria by green day because I wanted to embarrass her a bit. Or make her heart flutter. Same difference, right? we’d already kissed a few times before we made it over to Neptune’s, so things were going swimmingly. We had already discussed going back to my place to drink after bars before she picked me up for the date, but it was locked in after she met all my friends.

This cutey was saying this stuff on the walk back. She proclaimed that I was the male version of her, and I loved that because we’re both narcissistic as fuck. She was also telling me how she loved seeing me interact with everyone and that I was so cute and that if I had gone home with someone else instead of her she wouldn’t have even minded just as a friend. And I was like wow. Man. Perfect! Wow. That’s a lot but I dig it. And then we talked about having a threesome with her guy friend that doesn’t wanna do anything more than kiss a dude. She said she loves how open I am and how willing I am to experiment with things. We made it back to my place and she loved my room and my house and we fucked. Real. Hard. It was great. Started nice and slow, warmed up everything, ate her out for a while, fucked for a bit, came, explained how I could go for a round two without refractory period and she was like “wow. You’re woman’s best friend.” Then she wanted me to actually pound on her for a while which felt exxxxcellent, but eventually we needed to take a food break lol. I damn near set my house on fire trying to bake these sammies in the oven and pick them up with a paper towel. I was drunk enough that I touched the heating elements or some shit and just lit the shit on fire and was like flapping trying to put it out until I threw it in the sink lmfao. Luckily no harm no foul but I’ve gotta use spatulas more hahaha. Why the fuck don’t I have a pair of tongs in my house. She actually wanted me to fuck her in the kitchen while I cooked the sandwiches. Perfect. Checked that one off, but had to cut it off pretty quick since they were done fast. Watched some parks and rec naked on the couch. Went back to my room when the sandwiches were done and fucked more until I could finally get off again and then we collapsed in a hot sweaty puddle and curled up to sleep for the night. 

Woke up in the morning at like 11, was maybe supposed to meet Elyse at 11 or 4, so I was like oh shit, but it turned out she didn’t want to hang until 2. So me and Maria fucked again, “2 for 2″ she said. Not sure if it was sexing or her cumming, but seemed approving lmao, and she left me to enjoy her day off and let me get some sleep before work. 

Instead I took a shower, tried to get a new CRT from my buddy, it wouldn’t fit in my car. 

Then I met up with Elyse at Umstead Park and we went on a run together. I haven’t exercised with someone in fucking years, but I’d do it for her. We kept pace together pretty well, had a nice little 3 mile run, then hung out by these cabins touching each others’ arms and backs and hair and chit chatting about each other. I kissed her a little, but she seemed very tentative. Though she did kiss me back a second time. We rode off and got a beer down the road from the park, talked about some ideas for fetish stuff and our interests and how things have developed a little bit. I really wanna see what her take on primal play is; that’s where she says she gets her kitty nature. Its pretty sexciting.

We went off to target to try and get me some pore cleanser (pork rinds? Pork lenser? lol) but couldn’t find it, and I had to run off to a JKCF scholarship meetup dinner, so she kissed me goodbye and we parted ways.

Not quite as exciting as my date with Mariah, and a lot less moaning involved. Though I did hear a lot of the same panting noises during the run. Jogging with someone definitely is kinda sexy lmfao. I’m just glad she got me off my ass and exercised this week, because I’ve been slacking. I’m stuck at 165 because I keep eating and drinking too much. Apparently it’s not hurting me much though ;)

But yeah still a good date though. Excited to see what’s to come!

Also it was a pleasure seeing all the cute JKCF people. I almost wish I could tell them the weird shit I’m into now. Some of the ladies who work for them have known me since I was in like 8th grade. Pretty fucking wild. 

How things change. 

So BOOM! here I am, all caught up. Eventually I’ll post some goofy stories from Hawaii, but that’s not gonna be too hard or long. hehehe Seems like things are just gonna keep being crazy for me though, so maybe I’ll blog more frequently so I don’t really fall behind as much.

Though Weilin’s really vested in me trying to work for Google, so that’s a project I have to actually do some work on. And there’s a handful of work assignments that I’ve been putting off for the last month and a half to finish this project lolol.

So maybe I take another month break and catch back up? We’ll see. Just know that things have never been better.

I am slightly in debt from drinking too much and fixing my car and getting a brand new phone and buying too many clothes and sex toys. But it’s hella manageable. Really the only reason I’m a Little behind is because I’ve been pressured to take some days off work to use up my PTO so I haven’t been seeing as many patients. Which also means spending a little more. And I’ve had a lot of no shows. So it’s no big deal. I’m making so much more money now I don’t even need to worry about it, it’ll sort itself out over time. Feels so fucking good man. 

We’ll see about my goal weight. I would like to crush this last 10-15 pounds and get rid of the tummy and maybe even get a six pack on. That’d be dope. Kind of a goal by next lake week.

Last I wanted to talk about how I talked to my dad before slosh on monday. He asked about my facebook post so I talked about how I came out as bi and he wanted to tell me that he supported me and wanted me to be happy no matter what. I love him so fucking much lol he had this little anecdote about how he had a trans mtf mechanic and he was just like “well you’re still gonna work on my motorcycle, right? Then you’re all good by me.” He also told me the BDSM polyamory stuff I’m getting into is wild and that I’ve officially one upped him on that. SO BOOYAAAAAAAAAAA WE’RE IN THERE, FAM. <3 love ya daddy-o

So I’m. Fucking. Goooood.

Love you guys <3

[jeonmefortae-blog]

What If? (BTS Q&A)

Hey my lovelies, HAPPY SUNDAY! Hope you all had a great day whether you are stressing out >< or whether you are having holidays. Good new is, if you are living in Malaysia, you will have Gawai holidays! (or only Sarawak for that matter?) 

But anyways! Thanks guys for leaving me ‘What If’ questions to answer on instagram. I find this really fun as i saw a lot of people doing this on instagram! It would be really nice to know what would you do if you got caught up with your favorite celebrity nice to know about your thoughts on something as well! Anywayy, i want to thank you guys deeply again. 

So basically, my ‘What If’ questions are about BTS in general! Like for example: ‘What if i met Jungkook?’ 

So shall we start?

^^ very cute picture or gif above by the way! 

Okay. 

1) What if kookie asked to stay in my house because he doesn’t have any place to stay? - asked by @/pewtaepie 

Answer : 

Omg, this answer got me shook, thanks so much ;-; Okay, OF COURSE i would i mean- but the problem is it would be more awkward because i stil live with my parents. But however, if that is the case then ofc i would still offer him a place to stay, because poor kookie! :( But if i was staying alone (no dirty thoughts here) of course everything would be less awkward because there will be no one around except me. Of course being me, i would be breathless and freak out like a potato. I would REALLY GET HEART ATTACKS. Don’t blame me if i DIE on the spot. Then, once i calmed down i would probably ask him whats the matter! Of course, (i want life to be as good as the fanfics ;) ) Hopefully by him staying at the the house we can be close friends because kookie and i share many similar interests. I would ask him to cook together and do chores together. Go to the mall together and help me with those groceries :’) Oh! and also play piano together with him singing by my side. (and you know hopefully it gets somewhere) JUST JOKING! OFC OBVIOUSLY in reality we have to sleep seperate rooms because if my virginity was lost I WOULD BE DEAD MEAT. My mother would slice my head off :”) lollll sorry the answer was just supposed to be short, but i made it freaking long. 

2) What if you found out you were childhood friends with one of the members of BTS? - asked by @/yourbutterflyy

Answer : 

Holy moly. The answer would be that im very very absolutely shook. I mean out of the blue someone tells me that i am actually connected to them? :’) daebak. Of course, knowing me i cannot sit still. I have to meet my childhood friends because i mean- childhood friends are precious. However even if i meet them they have got to remember me right? :D  If our memories were rooted very deeply or in the case that maybe he got amnesia, i would ofc try and help to recover his memories :’) And me myself would try and remember all the things we did together and then as we reunite we would have many things to talk about and so that we can recreate these memories together again :’) 

3) What if you had to choose a BTS song that you have to sing in your life forever? - asked by @/namjinmochi 

Answer: 

WOW. I had a hard time thinking of this one. But i would choose ‘Butterfly’. Its the song i fell in love at first sight. BTS songs are mainly really catchy and energizing and there are less ballads (won’t really call this a ballad) (i think its a cross between a ballad, and hiphop?) but this song gave me FEELS. IMMENSE FEELS. I cried when listening to just the instrumental version, and don’t mention the prologue. The prologue got me bawling and i could hear the butterfly instrumental in the background. ;-; This song gives me feels that can break my heart but at the same time heal it. Its like a lullaby that heals my tired and weary heart. The melody of it is very easy to remember and so its pretty chilly and cool when you can easily hum its melody :’) another song is probably run (ballad ver) i cried literally! those high notes hit my heart & also Spring Day. the lyrics are really meaningful and its a melody that you will remember for quite a long time. 

4) What if you had to choose one song BTS sang to you? - asked by @/unnati_8230 

Answer: 

Hmm like the previous question, one of my fav songs is Butterfly so i would love them to sing that :’) because i really want to see their passionate faces when they sing this song. its really aesthetically pleasing. 

5) What if i found BTS living a block down from me? - asked by @/taes_suga_kookie 

Answer: 

ASDFGHJKL!!! WOAHH WOAHHH okay. I need to chill. Like this, i am practically good as being their neighbours! Being a good citizen i would probably send some gifts for the new comers :’) because i mean its BTS and of course i have a high chance of seeing them so i want to do good deeds as their fan! Of course, if i had the chance i might even get invited to their house, but due to manyyy privacy reasons i would also try to limit myself, because their neighbourhood might be flooded with fans, and i hate crowds so... advantages and disadvantages. (the neighbourhood would be filled with screaming fangirls) but hey at least i fulfil my wishes right? :’) i am already pretty fortunately staying close to them. maybe i hope we can all be good friends too haha! there would be soooo many things to talk about. 

6) What if you became BTS’ new manager? - asked by @/bangtanfamfic 

Answer: 

OMFG WHYYY OMG AHHH - ;-; umm umm of course i would be freaking happy for this job offer like- omg! BTS’ manager its like the best job on earth :”) however being a new manager i should not attract much attention. Also, i think i need to toughen myself up because of all the fans who love to push people. I cannot be fragile on this job :’) but i am willing to learn. But things like planning schedules and doing things for the boys is a-okay! IT WOULD BE HEAVEN. I would get to talk to them everyday, and there are so many opportunities for us to get close and ofc i would get to see them in their everyday lives (it would be pretty interesting) because all i can see is them outwardly on stage and everything- but not like behind the scenes. I want to see yoongi working on music, i want to see them practicing and everything! :’) ofc, i want the previous manager to teach me many things as well! SEJIN OPPA! TASUKETE. (LOL Y JAPANESE HAHAH) 

7) What if you found out that your bias is actually studying in the same school as you? - @/preciousbngtn 

Answer: 

Hi i love you Christina and i will answer this question HAHAHAHA. BUT OI OMGGGG- If Jungkook was studying in the same school as me i would be shook asf you know. I WOULD FLIP. Obviously i want to introduce myself to him like ‘welcome to this school im rachel’ or something like that. BUT I BET THERE WILL BE SO MANY GIRLS GOING AFTER HIM  which leaves me out a chance :’) because i am always super slow hahaha! if its like this, i won’t really bother until i see him with no one. I don’t want to cause a ruckus either :’) (ill be a good girl thank you) i want to treat him like a normal classmate and friend. the rest can be all up to fate :’) of course it will be a distraction in class!!! i will not be able to pay attention damn it. 

8) What if i was BTS’ girlfriend? - asked by @/ttaevmin_ 

Answer:

OMFG!!!! OKAY UHM I CAN’T BREATHE. Okay, let me start with each member. Because you said BTS, so i will just cover members one by one. 

If i was Namjoon’s girlfriend, we would sure talk to endless hours because i believe i can talk comfortably with him, maybe even learn new things together :’) and he can teach me many new things as well! I am sure there’s lots of things to share! our dates can be anywhere! 

If i was Jin’s girlfriend we would soooo go grocery shopping together and cook amazing stuff for the boys :’) we would scold the bangtan kids together muahaha! ofc, because we share our common love for pink we can fight people who hate pinkeu :’D and ofc our date can be something simple like just stay at home and eat each others food! (i don’t mind!) 

If i was Yoongi’s girlfriend, i would try to get his ass out of bed, cheer him up with my wierdness and optimism. (we are total opposites btw) i will cheer him and motivate him daily as thats what he may need? (i will make sure i see his gummy smile) And because i love to compose, i would also do lots of composing works with him :’) i would soooo drag him out of the house and have fun HAHAHAHA but its a win win situation, at times i would just stay at the house if he wants too! however, on days 

If i was Hoseok’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth because Jhope is mostly similar to me. I am positive and optimistic, always happy,bubbly and friendly. We would so laugh at a lot of things and entertain the boys and be second hand embarassments as well :’) our dates can be anything! i mean- i believe hoseok seems like a very mature man to me.  

If i was Jimin’s girlfriend, i would treasure this little precious mochi :’) i would treasure him more than i treasure myself. Because his sweetness is no joke, it needs to be soooo protected. i would proabably cause lots of embarassment to him anyday, HAHAHAH but my main goal would just to be a good girlfriend and give him lots of love. Our dates can be anywhere! im not picky :) 

If i was Taehyung’s girlfriend, that would be heaven on earth as well. because uhmm character wise i am like Taehyung as well and also because taehyung’s ideal type is very much like me. i would get along with him pretty well and i think taehyung will be reaally sweet and also a protective boyfriend :’) i can very much imagine that he will love his girl til death and so being his girlfriend i would love him wholeheartedly and give him my all. 

Lastly. If I WAS MY BIAS’ GIRLFRIEND. 

If i was Jeon freaking Jungkook’s girlfriend i won’t think i will able to live for even a second. The moment i saw his smile i immediately knew that there was something about him. and from that moment, we actually have lots in common (except the fact that he is good at everything) being his girlfriend would be really humurous and funny as i feel like i am dating someone near my age. (he is just one year older than me) i think we will share lots in common and we will have many things to say as well! i don’t care if he is not good with dates or girls, i just want him to be jungkook. :’) our dates can be anywhere! but since he loves the beach we can take a drive down to the beach and hold hands in the sunset like how romantic right??!! i would live to see his cute smile anyday and i will do my best and my all to see him genuinely happy with me :’) not because he is my bias but because i love him as he is. 

9) What if Yoonmin isn’t real?- asked by @/lustyoongi 

^^ OII HOTNESS OMFG

Answer:

I WOULD FLIP. IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA AND SEE WHAT’S WRONG jokes i cannot do that but IMMA PACK MY BAGS AND GO TO KOREA. And i am not leaving until i attend all their fansigns and get them back to shape :’) anti climax : on the side of reality i would be really devasted and just cry tissues away. 

10) What if BTS had given up from the beginning? - asked by @/hoseoklq

^^ this is so funny like omfg 

Answer: 

To be honest, if they have given up i won’t be as crazy and wierd as i am now. BTS has been a factor that pushed me to become a stronger person. They are people that inspire and admire me. If they had given up i would no longer acquire this strength. BTS all in all is my happy pill, just seeing them brightens up my day. it will be a huge mistake if their group wasn’t there anymore :’( there would be a hole that kpop is missing out on. then they wouldn’t know what they would be able to achieve and how much their fans adore them. BTS’ music leaves a strong impact on the young generation. Not just the lyrics and music but also their power and image that they bring. BTS is also known as a group filled with members of different unique personalities and together they are the most beautiful moments of our lives :’) teens need to know a lot about youth and they need someone to speak up for them and to tell them ‘i know, i have gone through this, but its gonna be okay. ‘not today. today we fight.’ they need message of love and strength. thats why BTS is a group that i feel is close to me even if they are miles away. 

and finally, if they had given up, IMMA PACK MY BAGS TO KOREA. (lol why am i like this) LIKE YOU AINT GONNA LEAVE LIKE THIS BISH (JOKESS) 

11) What if Jungkook wants to be my secret admirer/what if he admirers me? - asked by @/kookienochu  

Answer: 

oKAY...OMG. Uhm, of course i cannot stop him from ‘liking’ me but it depends. Speaking from reality point of view, i don’t really believe in love at first sight unless love builds up through genuine relationships, but if he likes me i would totally feel the same way. but if we aren’t really close yet i always suggest to be my friends first :’)  but if he already knows me so well, then i think i will be ready to be his girl. I mean i may like him and all but in the end, relationships need to be genuine in order for true love to exist. i mean- no matter how much  i claim to love him, i would only like the idea of dating him, but that doesn’t mean i love him. Okay, so if i was already his really good friend and he knows me like so damn well, obviously i am ready to start this relationship. There needs to be a perfect timing and a perfect bang! to it. Even so, i need to know that whatever obstacles may pass, we must sort it out rationally and not just fight and break up for stupid reasons. Moreover, i would really feel grateful, because i was always called ugly in school, so its good to know that he finds me beautiful in my own ways. :’) remember guys, its not love just because your heart always beats around a person. its not just love if you are crushing on love. love withstands time and it takes lots of time and effort to accept someone and know their flaws and accept them still :-) 

lol i would save love talk for later. I am considered a ‘love doctor’ by my classmates and i always give ‘advice’ so if you want you can always DM in my instagram! :) 

And that is all folks! 

Do follow me on instagram if you want its @/kookiemonstae! 

If you want me to do more stuff like these you can always suggest and leave comments for more! 

[saffreelove]

Meet Cute - Chapter 3

Author: SaffreeLove

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: smut, swearing(spoiler: there will always be swearing)

Word Count: 2804

A/N: The dialogue shown in italics are the lyrics from the song “Light My Candle” from RENT by Jonathan Larson. Check it out here. (Extra note: I used the lyrics from the original broadway soundtrack, but this link is for the movie version of the song. It’s only a difference of one line, but original RENT-heads might notice.)

Ch 1 Ch 2

Seb sat down and picked up the remote to see what movies were playing. Suddenly, he turns to you with a gasp. Your head whips back toward him.

“You wouldn't be a RENT-head, by any chance, would you?” he nearly whispers as he looks at you with those pleading eyes.

Your eyes got huge, “Oh my god! Is it on?? Yes!! Yes! Yes!” You told yourself to not notice that his eyes darted down quickly while you were bouncing on the bed from excitement.

He jumped up to replenish your drinks before starting the movie. You snuggled your butt into the bed getting comfortable. Seb climbed back up on the bed sitting just a little closer than he had earlier. The opening notes of Seasons of Love came through the speakers as the lights on the stage came up, and just like clockwork your eyes began filling with tears. You tried to hide it, because who cries at the beginning of a movie? Well, you do. Don’t you remember sitting in the theater waiting for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 to start, and then it did and you were practically sobbing as the Warner Brothers logo appeared? Yeah, you are the person that cries at the beginning of movies.

Looking over at you Seb said, “Oh sweetheart, I know. The beginning kills me too. Come here,” as he put his arm around you and pulled you close.

You took the comfort easily because this part really did get to you. All the foreshadowing of Seasons of Love made you smile and cry at the same time. The two of you stayed snuggled together on the bed, each of you singing along to the music. You were on your third beer and much more relaxed with the semi-public singing. Seb's thumb and fingers had been stroking your upper arm and it was slowing working your senses up into a tizzy.

When Light My Candle came on, Seb immediately took Roger’s part and you, of course took Mimi’s.

“What’d you forget?”

“Got a light?”

“I know you, you’re, you’re shivering.”

“It’s nothing, they turned off my heat. And I’m just a little weak on my feet.”

What had started as singing to the tv quickly evolved into singing to each other. By the way, all those video clips you had watched of him singing didn’t hold a candle to him singing directly to you.

“Would you light my candle? What are you staring at?”

“Nothing. Your hair in the moonlight. You look familiar. Can you make it?” he sang as he reached for your elbows as if you were beginning to fall as Mimi had. You were both fully acting the song out together now. Sexual innuendos and all.

“Just haven’t eaten much today, at least the room stopped spinning anyway. What?”

“Nothing. Your smile reminded me of…”

“I always remind people of… Who is she?”

“She died. Her name was April.”

“It’s out again. Sorry about your friend. Would you light my candle?”

“Well.”

“Yeah? Ow!”

“Oh, the wax, it’s...” Seb held your fingers as if to soothe the burn Mimi had from the candle.

“Dripping! I like it, between my...” you purred while pulling his fingers toward your chest.

“Fingers, I figured,” he chuckled and slipped his hand away at the last second, “Oh, well, goodnight.”

You turned away from Seb as Mimi went to leave Roger’s apartment, then knocked on the night table as Mimi knocked on the door.

“It blew out again?”

“No, I think that I dropped my stash,” you patted your hands around the bed as if looking. Ooh, a Sebastian leg.

“I know I’ve seen you out and about when I used to go out. Your candle’s out.”

“I’m illin’. I had it when I walked in the door. It was pure. Is it on the floor?”

“The floor?”

“They say that I have the best ass below 14th street. Is is true?” you sing with an innocent look on your face.

“What?”

“You’re staring again,” you smirk.

Seriously, how was this your life? You were heavily flirting with Sebastian Stan via a musical on screen, while in his hotel room, on his bed, inches away from his face.

“Oh no, I mean you do have a nice… I mean, you look familiar.”

“Like your dead girlfriend.”

“Only when you smile, but I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere else…”

“Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club? That’s where I work, I dance. Help me look.”

“Yes, they used to tie you up.”

“It’s a living,” you shrug.

“I didn’t recognize you without the handcuffs.”

Yup, casually singing about bondage and exotic dancing with Seb. Just another Saturday night in this new life of yours.

“We could light the candle. Oh, won’t you light the candle?”

“Why don’t you forget that stuff? You look like you’re sixteen.”

“I’m nineteen, but I’m old for my age. I’m just born to be bad.”

“I once was born to be bad. I used to shiver like that.”

“I have no heat, I told you.”

“I used to sweat.”

“I got a cold.”

“Uh huh, I used to be a junkie.”

“But now and then I like to feel good.”

“Oh, here it…”

“What’s that?” you lean in closer as if to look.

“It’s a candy bar wrapper.”

“We could light the candle. Oh what’d you do with my candle?”

“That was my last match.”

“Our eyes’ll adjust. Thank God for the moon.”

“Maybe it’s not the moon at all, I hear Spike Lee’s shooting down the street.”

“Bah humbug, bah humbug.” You picked up Seb’s left hand and threaded your fingers through his own. His hand tightened around yours as he sang, “Cold hands.”

“Yours too. Big, like my father’s. Do you wanna dance?”

“With you?” he crooned as he pulled you ever so closer.

“No, with my father.”

“I’m Roger,” he leaned his head closer to yours.

“They call me, they call me, Mimi,” you sang breathlessly as he leaned down.

With the last note, Seb’s lips crashed to yours and suddenly all you could hear or smell or feel was him.

Soft lips pressed firmly against yours over and over, opening more and more with each pass, until his tongue finally licked along the seam of your lips asking for entrance. Your lips gave way with a moan that you might have been embarrassed about if you were capable of any sort of rational thought. His hands had shifted around to your back to pull you flush to his chest as his tongue danced with yours.

His right hand slid down your back and over your ass till he had a hold of your thigh. He pulled you over until you were straddling him with his hands at the small of your back. His hands moved down to squeeze your butt through your jeans and with gentle pressure he began to rock you forward onto his lap. Whimpers fell from your mouth as he ground your hot center against his straining cock. You pulled away from his lips with a gasp when you realised just how close you were to coming. He immediately latched onto your neck with kisses and little love nips while he continued his maddening rhythm. His hand slid up to your hair and gave a slight, test tug. The hitched breath that flew out of you caused a deep growl to emanate from Seb’s chest. That growl pushed you right to the edge of your orgasm. You grabbed on tighter to his shoulders and back that you had been clinging to while he rubbed your center against him.

“Seb, please,” you begged.

“Oh, honey, that’s it, you’re almost there,” he said with praise. His hand that hadn’t left your hair tightened and pulled even harder as his voice dipped deep. “Fuck, I want to watch you come. Do it. Now.”

“Oh, fuck, Seb, I’m…”

With his last order, he bit down on your neck and you exploded over the edge, shaking with the force of your orgasm. He kept up his rhythm helping you ride out your high. When you finally came back to yourself, Seb was hands were rubbing your back and his lips were exploring your neck with kisses and slow licks.

“Mmmm, Seb,” you moaned.

“Baby, I have to taste you. You must be so wet right now. I need that,” he pleaded. “Please? Can I?”

“Yes, yes, that’s good, I’m good with that, you can do that, please, fuck, do that,” you babbled.

He rolled the two of you over and suddenly slowed down as he set his hands at your waist and began sliding them up taking your shirt with him. Seb pulled you upright as he swept your shirt over your head. Diving back down, his kisses were covering your skin making their way up towards your breasts. He caressed you over your bra, gently pinching your nipples as he worked the fabric down exposing your soft skin.

In Seb's enthusiasm to get to you, he pulled a bit too hard and tore your bra apart in the front. “Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. I'll buy you another,” he breathed out while continuing to kiss your skin. “You're forgiven,” you panted, “as long as you keep doing, oh, keep doing that.” His hands slid underneath your ruined bra to gently cup your breasts. Now that he finally had full access, Seb took a few long, wandering licks around each breast, finishing up with a nibble and kiss of your nipple.

He continued to suck and kiss your breasts as his hands made their way down to your waist. He flicked open your jeans button and slowly pulled the zipper down. His breath was all that touched you as he moved down your torso. He grasped the top of your jeans and began to pull them down. Once they had joined the void with the rest of your clothes, he came back up with his nose only an inch away from your soaking wet underwear.

“Oh honey, I wasn't wrong was I? You're fucking drenched,” he said quietly as his nose just brushed against you causing you to moan. “Shit, I wanna get in there so badly, but dragging this out is tempting as well. Mmmm, next time I'll have to go so very slow,” he murmured then leaned forward to lick up over your underwear. While you were crying out, he slid your panties over your hips and quickly off your legs. Wasting no time, he flattened his tongue and drew a long strip ending right at your clit. After a few soft licks, his lips began to suck you into his mouth with his tongue still flicking against you. His left hand moved to get a better grip on your upper thigh as his right hand moved between your legs. Seb dragged his index finger up down your slit, coating himself in your wetness before easing his finger deep inside and curling just enough to tease your g-spot.

“Fuck, oh shit Seb, do that again,” you moaned as your back started to arch, but his hand held you place. Your hands flew down to tangle in that incredible hair and hold him close to your pussy. A shiver runs through you as you hear and feel Seb moan into you. You can’t help react to his moan and your fingers tighten in his hair pulling a deep growl from his chest. He eased a second finger inside and increased his pressure on your g-spot while his tongue continued its mission to push you over the edge.

“Oh, shit, that there, yes, that uhh, I'm oh I'm…” Just then you tipped over, cumming so hard that you vision went a touch hazy. Seb continued to gently pet that wonderful, spongy spot inside of you as he helped ease you through your orgasm.

He eased his fingers out of you and brought them right up to his lips, licking them clean. You pulled him down and swiped your tongue through his mouth, “you didn't give me a taste.” As you lay back down you could see that Seb’s pupils were blown wide with need.

“Don't go anywhere,” he said as he got up and walked over to his suitcase.

“Yeah, I don't think that's gonna be an issue for right now,” you snarked as you lay there just fucking wrecked. Who knew you were a g-spot girl?

Seb made his way over to the nightstand dropping a few condoms on the surface. He was still dressed aside from socks.

“How is it that I'm completely naked and all you are missing are your socks?” you pondered while propping yourself up on your elbows.

“Well, I guess you better remedy that,” he said leaning down to kiss your lips. “Oooh, yes sir,” and rolled up onto your knees. Your hands slipped underneath his hem and worked his shirt up his chest and over his head.

Fuck. How had you forgotten how ripped he was? You just saw his naked chest an hour and a half ago? Why was it tripping you up now? Oh, right. Cause now you are running your hands over that ripped chest. You looked up at Seb as you hands fell to the waistband of his sweats, and started pushing them down. Apparently, he had felt zero need to put boxers on after his shower. His pants slid to the floor and he stepped out of them back towards you. Quickly, you took a mental picture, because this was going feature heavily in your future solo fantasies.

He pulled you close and the feel of all his hot skin pressing on yours caused your desire to increase tenfold. His mouth captured yours again in a heady kiss as your arms wound around his neck holding him ever closer. He pushed you back until you were lying on the bed. Pulling his body away, he searched your eyes and checked in with you, “Are you still good with this?”

“Yes, Seb, please. I want this. I want you,” you moaned as you pulled him back into contact with your body. You reached over and snagged one of the condoms, tore it open, and rolled it all the way down his cock.

He lined himself up, looked up at you and slowly pushed his way into your heat while his eyes stayed locked on yours, “Shit, baby. You feel so good.” Once he was fully seated within you he gave a little mini thrust causing a gasp to escape your lips. His left hand skimmed down your right hip to hook your leg up over his arm. It brought him that much closer and that much deeper.

Seb began a slow, steady pace that was going to kill you with pleasure. He was giving just enough of a grind on his down thrust to tease your clit, but not quite enough to satisfy. You threaded your hands into his hair and pulled his head down into a kiss, then tightening your fingers around his hair, gave a tug. He froze as a deep growl emanated from his chest and damn near sent you over the edge.

His control now shattered, he started a fierce pace of pounding into you while his right hand rubbed your clit. He raised your hip changing the angle just enough and that was it. You fell right off that cliff screaming his name. Three hard pumps later and the hottest fucking groan came out of his lips as he came. Aftershocks ran through you prompted by the swell of his cock and the sound of his release.

You both lay there for a minute just catching your breath. With a groan, Seb leveraged himself up and went to dispose of the condom in the bathroom. When he came back in he crawled up the bed and snuggled up with you, pulling the covers over you both. You were still in full afterglow with a goofy grin on your face. Three orgasms in a row will do that to you. His head was buried in your neck with his arms wrapped around your chest.

A muffled jumble came from somewhere under that hair, “Mmphay pheeh.”

“Hmm? What? Can’t hear you. No ears in my neck, Seb.”

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. Damn, those were some good puppy dog eyes. “Stay. Please. Stay the night.”

With your mouth only slightly agape, you nodded, “Okay.”

Seb turned out the light, snuggled back into your arms and said, “Sorry we didn't get to the thigh riding, babe. We'll put it on the list.”

With a little giggle, you finally shut your eyes and fell asleep with a smile on your face.

Chapter 4

[dear-saxifrage]

superlatives of 2017.

i’ve been lucidly alive for too long to not have a running list of my annual fuck-ups, successes, favorites, random moments, memories, and other written memorabilia. my list will include: favorite songs, most underrated songs, most significant musical breakthrough, best jam session, best workout, worst workout. what i have written, my reflections on my work, whatever. it is a working list and it’ll change each year from here on out, but will deliver the same message: my year.

a few notes:

-using Twitter as an online receptacle for my incessant bitching has doubled as an excellent cybernetic way for me to keep track of what i think, do, feel, and exist

-i don’t use capitalization because it’s irritating. but it probably looks like i don’t use capitalization because it’s the sexy new tech writing trend. (shudder).

notes are done.

let’s start quantifying.

using Twitter more consistently

while i have had an account for a while, i never took to it. but my writer friends told me that having a place to vent and to spin ideas is a great space. plus, so much of literary searching is done through twitter. now, all to do is to create a professional twitter and to not tweet seven-word-cuss-outs on it.

the middle of 2016 was hectic as fuck. my tweets are sporadic, focused on form and style. they’re so obviously buttressed by my then-cold and then-hardened interiority. 

poetry

i tried my hand at poetry toward the start of 2017, which i think is indicative of the sleeping beast inside of me that would burst come january 2017. my ezra pound-inspired poetry was actually pretty good. i should take it up again! :) my favorite:

“a pound, a knot. hands at the bakery. lacquered pots greet us as we enter.”

saying goodbye: farewell to the crybaby bitch

probably the most obvious change in what i can see, from my tweets, is my change in priorities. it used to be so focused on trauma: how i am amazed at the now because of the past’s scratchy nails. well, i most distinctly see that i have moved on. yes, i ontologized what happened to me. i theorized, understood, felt, chewed through, and really felt it. then? then i fucking moved on. i did the things to help my brain re-balance itself. it’s chemicals, not you. congrats on being a big girl, sydney.

piedmont house

obviously, the most impacting thing that happened in 2017. in 2017, i moved into the most beautiful house in berkeley i’ve ever seen! in 2017, i wired 2k to a chick i barely knew in between sets at the gym because i was desperate to leave cj’s house. i was resigned to having to live with her, in that pathetic ramshackle on fulton and parker, and just dealing with the ground and a blow-up mattress and dilapidated bathroom floors. but nope -- carly needed a roommate on facebook. she was always the girl from my utopian anthropology class, with whom i did an internship with, but then it all changed. i flew to san francisco, and my rugby friends delivered: ten minutes in berkeley, and a huge denali pulls up to my place. “let’s go.” i was moved in less than four hours, all thanks to the good people who moved my furniture, belongings, (my life), from one house to another house, another room with four walls and a beautiful lofted ceiling, a skylight. 

i ordered a new bed. a zinus memory foam mattress, queen size (or full?). i gave away my futon, left my couch and furry blanket at the old house, left it all, because i couldn’t stand it. i severed myself from all of my old friends, my alleged best friends from rugby. it was pretty lonely, but then god threw down a group of fucking weirdos to me, and i’ve established some of the most secure, loving, and pure friendships i’ve ever experienced.

i know i talk about them a lot, but it’s because i am still reeling. i can’t believe they exist. i can’t believe any of them are real. i always tweet about the viola guy, well it’s because i kinda love him, and i always tweet about our random adventures together, all of us, and it’s because i absolutely love them all.

so that was it, the piedmont boys. boys meaning girls and boys; boys meaning a group of meme-tastic misfits. 

on my last night before leaving for phoenix -- i drove out here, 13 fucking hours through the pitch black night in the empty desert of coachella, indio, blythe, goodyear, stars twinkling gratuitously -- i got hammered at karaoke with my boalt law coworkers. it was fun, certainly. i sang country roads and had yet another cathartic emotional episode because that’s how i am. anyway, i came home, and i was scared shitless because i was home alone, so i called my friend lance -- a piedmont fellow -- and he came over. he just ate his dinner at the table while i showered, packed, got ready. then we talked for hours. talked and talked and talked. and he left me with the most touching thing i’ve ever been told: “you are like the glue between all of us. you have a remarkable ability to connect with other people, and i think you can be the one to show us that it doesn’t have to be hard to stay in contact. that we can live the rest of our lives with each other.”

i still haven’t told anyone about this conversation. it was too pure, too beautiful, for me to retell, i think. i never thought i’d be this person i am now, and for someone to think that i am in such a strong, charged way, absolutely broke my heart. so. cheers to the piedmont boys. thank you for the adventures. thank you for reopening me to the possibility of love and for letting me love you.

concerts

jesus h. christ. this was THE YEAR for concerts. who the fuck did i see? let me count.

-greenday

-panic at the disco

-venice’s baroque chamber group

-chicago symphony

-lorde

-john legend

-hans zimmer

-nobuo uematsu

-yoko shimomura

-tetsuya nomura

-foster the people

-vance joy

-weezer

-THE KILLERS

-cirque du soleil (does this count? lol)

as we can see, i make it a point to have fun. i work a lot and spend my money on tickets because why the fuck not. i have to say, HEARING BRENDON URIE SING A SOLO VERSION OF “BEHIND THE SEA” SAVED ME, and HEARING BRANDON FLOWERS SING “MR. BRIGHTSIDE” blew me away. i felt so grateful. AND, as one would expect, i’ve become an immensely better musician this past year. let’s see.

musicianship

it started with the viola guy and the guitar guys. we wanted to jam, so we did. and i’m not used to people being as competent as me, so it took me by surprise, to have to really use my brain and THINK. it was sexy. i started learning chord progressions, jazz logic, improv styles, how to fill up the space with easy-listening chords, how to pick a melody and play around it. 

piano has been good. it’s not as good as i’d like, but i can play 2/4 16th notes baroque-style without a problem, and i’m pretty proud of that. learning to transpose parallel minors and relative minors from major keys. it’s tough but inspiring: just think. just FOCUS. and you can do it. (can do anything).

singing. oh, jesus. singing this past year was fucking incredible. i had an amazing choral professor who really loved my voice so he worked with me incessantly. gave me solos left and right. gave me a choral scholarship, free lessons, all that. he refined what kuzma (my previous prof) fostered: fine motor movement in the mouth paired with perfect vowel placement. and brandon flowers sang in this style, i noticed, and it proved to me that i can also share music just like him. and holy god, it’s probably my “second puberty” also, but my voice sounds so fucking good. it’s crazy.

transposition. i hear so much better now. having perfect pitch accustomed to a 432 Hz for A instead of 440 Hz for A has really fucked with me. (my piano is brass strings, sounds like a baroque instrument). but i can hear with much better clarity. i play so well. i can harmonize so well. it’s all so crazy. 

i’m done organizing

oh that’s right! i got rejected from peking university in china for my master’s. lol, wow. what a fucking joke.

oh fuck, i also got arrested. possession of that good mj and drug paraphernalia. oh well. charges were dropped. went through TASC. paid 35 a week for drug tests, paid 1k for the ed seminar, paid 1k to the county attorney. record expunged. clean. it lasted from january to august. 

i got a medical marijuana card this year, also. so even though i was drug tested, my card excluded the THC testing. haha.

i ran in santa monica and malibu with my friends, four loko in hand, all to see the sunset at the same time. :) that was a pretty cute moment. we’re all so committed, needlessly or necessarily, to each other. 

i wrote “on a clear day,” which is basically an autobio of 2017, so there’s that. it’s still a little clunky, could kill to be tighter. i need to work on dialogue and sharpness. but overall, i’m pretty happy with the flow.

favorite pissed off tweet: “futures are just slow declines and prolonged extinctions.”

favorite random tweet: “in a world of smooth edges and clean white furnishings there is no room for rocks.”

work

2017 was the year i said no to a full-time offer in research in the exact area i wanted because i thought it would be better to do something that scared me. turns out you should always trust that fine distinction between risk-taking and being an ass. i felt it. now i know what it feels like. 

i was a logistics manager at a startup. it was fine and then it wasn’t. i quit. i worked at boalt law as the marketing director and head of recruitment. i pulled in 15 students to our new hybrid program. how much money did i bring in? 877,000. I almost brought you 1 million, boalt. you’re welcome. 2017 was the year i finally started serving an bartending. this is my favorite job to date. it demands precision, skilled interpersonal finesse, excellent memory, physical strength, humor, disassociation at a moment’s notice, and fun. to me, the perfect people are in this industry -- well, save for the alcoholics. but even in this case, use your own damn perspective to not bow down to the drinks. 

i start a consulting IT/design job in two weeks, and it pays a gargantuan sum of money. excited to start that new adventure for 2018. 

people i’ve dated

this was the year that men gave and gave and gave to me, sydney. i was pretty calm for the beginning, but then i became a chronic dater. didn’t fuck them all, didn’t even hook up with them all. just dated. let dudes buy me food and drinks. held hands sometimes, kissed sometimes, went to a few of their places. let’s see who: chase, riley, miles, jacob, peter, joe, nathan, andrew. most of them ended because i got bored.

jacob, though, is an interesting case. a while back, i wrote an original story about jacob and rachel (obvioulsy) situated on the iberian peninsula (portugal) about love, difference, salt, the sea, and marxism. it’s good. and jacob, the guy i’ve been seeing, researches in portugal, is an anthropology phd, and helped me so much with my own phd applications. i have so much to thank him for. 

i’ve been sort of dispelased with the lack of sex i’ve been having, but in the middle of a sydney rant, my best friend sat me down and said this: “listen, syd. you can get laid RIGHT NOW if you want. but you don’t want it to be that easy. you like to work for your sex. you want it to be sort of difficult, mysterious, built-up. so shut up.” and she was right. after six years, i finally fucked this guy i’ve wanted. he’s my brother’s best friend, and i don’t care. it was the best sex i’ve ever had, and he’s just as intelligent as me, is so sexy. fuck, this fool moaned my name more than i moaned his, and i was so turned on, and it was insane. we keep trying to meet up, but he’s out of town for a few days. here’s to hoping i can see him before i return to berkeley.

what else?

i’ll write some other shit that’s not totally neurotic later on. i still need to compile a list of my favorite cultural arts this past year. but for now, i am happy with this write-up of my year.

oh wait

yes, i graduated with two degrees in anthropology and geography, highest honor in both and a 50-page thesis under the supervision of a nobel laureate in meteorology. that was pretty cool. congrats, syd. you now have a degree from the university of california, berkeley. :) 

until next blog post

peace out. 2017. it has been real, and it’s been fun... but has it been real fun? i think so.